Posted by
Joyanna Adams on Friday, February 05, 2010 2:22:01 PM
Nobody Cares:
The Government of the United States of America,
Sworn to protect and defend the good citizens of the world,
Have been working day and night to figure out...How to save the planet, and get rid of some of those pesky people.
First, they outlawed everyone's light bulb, and passed a law that all safe and usable light bulbs must be gone in ten years and replaced with a mercury-poisoned filled one that releases deadly gas when broken.
Mao be proud.
So many people and children will get sick, that billions will be made by the pharmaceutical companies treating the illnesses.
But this will not be enough. Cleverly, they worked day and night to come up with another solution to that problem. They just needed the right crisis. And they got it with Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, who tried to blow up a plane.
Mr. Obama has just designated $734 million body scanners to be placed in all airports in order to x-ray everyone who wants to fly...which MIGHT cause in some cases cancer, because being exposed, even to low doses of radiation, can damage DNA. It will also, create a lot of money for our government and protect rich people (and terrorists) who do not want to be scanned, and will pay gladly pay a high price to have a "get through without scanning" ID card.
This will also at the same time, create millions of jobs for single young guys (and lots of retired ones too) who will become basically unionized porn x-ray watchers, while zapping billions of people each day with radiation. They will certainly join the union just for the thrill of it all.
To protect us of course.
But that is not enough.
Soon, working with the great country of Japan and China, the people of the United States will be told they can no longer drink their tap water, and must purchase CANNED water from foreign countries.
This water will be filled with deadly cancer causing chemicals (and sterilization caustics) which will further reduce the population by 2020 to a more reasonable and manageable statistic.
(Nobody Makes SOME of This Stuff Up...you decide which parts.)