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Name: Joyanna Adams
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The Check's in the Mail

Posted by Joyanna Adams on Sunday, January 17, 2010 12:26:08 AM
Nobody Reports: Today, it was announced that President Bush and President Clinton were going to lead a National campaign to get Americans to donate money to the poor "brothers and sisters" in Haiti, who are still in such dire distress after the earthquake. And they are getting more distressed by the minute because no one can figure out how to get the food and water to them, even though it has now arrived, and is sitting in the airport...rotting. God forbid they should fight over it. (Starving and death is allowed, but violence will NOT be tolerated.)
 
Yes...they need money, because hey, the government is broke, are you crazy? Do you think they should send their paychecks?
 
President Bush exclaimed at the White House today:
 
Please...just send a check, we don't want grandma's old smelly mattress...and for your contributions you will receive this brand new tee shirt left over from the office of the Democratic Party's main headquarters,located right outside the Oval Office.
They have a surplus, and it will be yours for free, with your donation.

(Nobody Makes this stuff up)
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Nobody Reports: Elvis, Tiger, & Lady Ga Ga

Posted by Joyanna Adams on Saturday, January 16, 2010 11:49:00 AM
Nobody Reports: Tiger Woods, it is now being widely reported, has had a big sex addiction "problem" for more than we care to imagine... some time now. This has ended him up forking out who knows how much money to a whole slew of doctors, to rid himself of wanting a vast variety of women every night. I'm sure it's going to cost a lot more than his usual fee of $60,000 dollars a night "I need my fix" dates.
 
Well, I have found an answer for him. An old trick from the master womanizer himself...a man, who according to my old friend Romanda, had the soft lips of a baby without the talcum powder...Elvis Presley.
 
Elvis Presley---had the answer. Whenever he wanted to have sex with another women, he just had Priscella dress up as a different girl every night, and play games of "Pick up the strange waitress", or "Pick up the new nurse," or "Pick up the spunky airline stewardess."
 
She would dress up in costumes and there you go...
 
Many a night Priscella kept Elvis from calling Ann Margaret with just this little trick. Of course this only worked when he was in town, but it's a start. So, Tiger could take a tip from Elvis and just get one woman to be able to satisfy his tendency to boredom. And what better woman than Lady Ga-Ga?
 
Tiger could pretend to "Pick up the Blue Alien" or "Pick up the Porcupine" or "Pick up the Rock Star who can put her legs behind her head and sit on his nine iron while it's still in his golf bag while wearing a hat made of Green Frogs."
 
What man could resist that?
 
I mean...really. He might miss putting around with threesomes, (sorry, I couldn't resist) but with a little James Cameron technology, Lady Ga-Ga could split herself into Virtual 3D and Tiger would never have to be "unfaithful" again.
 
Unless of course, one day he ran to the eureka moment that there was actually more to life than golf and sex.
 
And that question remains to the great philosophers and half the men on the planet, forever, a no-brainer, and already decidedly---decided.
 
Care to take a poll?
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