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Name: Joyanna Adams
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Nobody's Perfect: Umar vs Janet

Nobody’s Perfect:This is a week where everyone in the country, is just so ecstatic that some idiot cannot seem to put his explosive underwear on right. Yes, Umar Farouk Abulmutallab gets the Nobody’s Perfect award for today, and very happily too, I might add.
 
Good thing for us, that all of Abdul’s perfectly rich London education, and very cushy banker’s son’s life, did not give him the sense of a goat in heat---not to mention…he goes through all that trouble to drive a jihadist attack into the very heart of American capitalism, by detonating a bomb over.....wait for it...
 
                           Detroit?
 
 
Thankfully, some brave nobodies came to the rescue and tackled the guy before he could explode something besides his own butt.
 
What an Al-Qaidic mastermind! Anyone who has been to Detroit might say he’s a bit too late. Yes, destroying Detroit with a plane is definitely going to bring down capitalism. Maybe he was aiming for those new electric cars.
 
Any good conspiracy theorist worth their salt would claim that if you happened to be a President frantically searching for a way to save his failing Presidency, a plane crashing into that lost city of Detroit could be an opportunity to jump-start his FDR stimulus programs for rebuilding infrastructure. I mean, it took thirteen hurricanes before they finally hit New Orleans and those weather modification efforts really paid off! All those thousands of FEMA trailers sitting around in empty lots just waiting for disasters were put to use. (Bill Clinton was PREPARED!) And with great success I might add...not one trailer has been foreclosed.
 
We all know that conspiracy theorists are completely ludicrous. No elected or unelected public servant in our America would ever dream of sacrificing a few citizens just to obtain a more “controlling” objective…no, that would NEVER happen. Forget I mention it...Come to think of it, that may be why our other Nobody’s Perfect contender for the week thinks tea partiers are a danger to America! We really can think up the most annoying conspiracies.
 
I am talking about none other than Janet (afraid of veterans) Napolitano.
 
On Sunday, our Director of Homeland Security (Janet) told some CNN reporter named Candy (whom, by the very sound of her name we can assume must have sent ol Janet’s lesbian libido’s hormonal balance out of all sense of logic) that the--- system worked. Yes, it worked because…all products STILL went out on Christmas day!
 
Let that one sink in----All products.
 
She then added (as a second thought) that the people were once again safe, until she realized that to say the system worked was just as idiotic as admiting that you failed to put on your explosive underwear correctly.
 
She immediately came back and said her comment was taking completely out of context and that the system failed miserably.
 
And this nobody can tell you why.
 
A whole shipment of “Surfer Obama” rubber dolls did not reach their various American Mall destinations until after Christmas. (Nobody Makes this stuff Up, but there IS a Surfer Obama doll.) And with a mistake like that…we can only expect perfection from MS Napolitano from now on.
 
So...let's all go play golf in Hawaii...where our perfect President is at this very moment.. perfecting his excuses of why he is not taking the protecting of this country seriously between his imperfect drives.
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The Gift of Knowledge

Nobody's Opinion:

My Favorite Libraries:

Twain,
Adams, Lucas,
---Mine.





"My refuge was the Detroit Public Library. I started, it now seems to me, with the first book on the bottom shelf and went through the lot, one by one. I didn’t read a few books. I read the library.”
                                                    
                                                        --Thomas Edison -- The Diary and Observations
 
Can you imagine reading a whole Library? I can. There are fewer things in life more exciting than books to me. I can walk into any library on the earth and get heart palpitations. I want to take down every single one and read them all.
 
But here’s what you may not have known…Thomas Edison read the entire library of Detroit at the ripe old age of twelve. My love of a good book didn’t start until I read my mother’s edition of The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain…I was nine. Ever since I entered the magical world of books, I have never left.
 
And that’s why I wanted to start off the year to tell you what I got for Christmas…my very own…library.
 
Like any good thing, it took years to build, and it holds mostly just reference books. I would need another whole room built for my other books.
 
And this library is very precious because it not only puts my books within fast reach, but hold memories from my family. For instance, those yellow magazines you see in the middle shelves were a gift from a grandfather to his young granddaughter…a collection of National Geographic from the year 1956, and I have read every one. On the other side of King Tut is a set of Encyclopedia Britannica. (Grandpa again) And there on the top, my most prized possession of the Annals of America, found one day in a box at my local library, for free.
 
Tell me there isn’t a god.
 
There is also the complete works of Mark Twain, given to me by my mother who hated to read, but saw her own daughter’s love for it. It also contains her first copy of the Complete Works of Shakespeare. Lots of family bibles and almost all the other books were gotten from libraries for basically, only 10 cents a book.
 
And the Egyptian statues have a story…a reminder of the last years of my mother’s life.
 
Here’s the story: In 2001, my mother finally passed away. And for years, I had taken care of her after my father died. By the time the hospital bills were all paid for, and her estate taken care of, I was left with a little over a thousand dollars. The years of being my mother’s caretaker had taken quite a toll on me, (She was on a stomach pump, and paralyzed on one side)
 
One day, just a few days after she died, I walked into a furniture store and saw those statues, and spent my mother’s last few remaining dollars. “Someday, I’m going to built myself an Egyptian Library!” I announced boldly to the clerk. I knew I should have put away the money, but I was grieving--sorely. Besides, strange as it may seem, I felt I deserved it.
 
Here it is, nine years later, and my dream of having actual shelves for my books has come true. These are books that I have kept in closets and boxes for most of my life. And…okay…forgive me. I sort of MADE my poor husband build it for me. Yes, I pushed him on it.
 
If you don’t build it now, then when? There is no more room in our closets! Inflation is coming…big time!
                                                 We have to do it ---NOW!”
 
So, we bought about $200 dollars worth of pine from Home Depot, cut up some old kitchen tables, bought a few lamps, and viola!
 
Like I said, there are few gifts in life as exciting to me as books and there are many libraries that I love. The famous John Adams library in Quincy, MA, is one. (Above) George Lucas’s library is to die for. (above) Mark Twain (above) had a wonderful ambiance to his library, where, while on a tour back in 2000, I almost broke a rare lamp. I was trying to read some of the titles of his books and my purse attacked it. If not for my quick reflexes, I might be still paying off the lamp, and never have been able to afford another book ever again.
 
BUT…no longer do I have to eat dinner and stare at the face of King Tut in my kitchen, for now---finally---after all these years…I have my very own nobody library!
 
God, I feel like I just had a baby…. Have a cigar!
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