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Advice for Strong Winds

Nobody Flashes on a Saturday Night!

This was just sent to all the good folks down in Texas who have been suffering from the remnants of Hurricane IKE... from our brave boys in Iraq..

When in a hurricane wind, make a human kite and have some fun---what have you got to lose but your butt?

Whatever's left, someone is bound to come for it.

 

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Nobody Remotely Views Motorbike

Nobody Wins: Okay..

Yesterday was just too much. Endless footage of New York in panic and being decimated, Matt Damon being afraid of a hockey mom, Pamela Anderson saying that Palin could "go suck it" which means, she thinks the act of "sucking" is not fun...

(Who knew?)

On top of that, I saw this program on MTV where they are holding a contest trying to make "rappers" into gentlemen, while making them eat blowfish. The black rapper wants to beat up the white rapper because the white rapper wants to vote him off, he claimes to HELP him learn to become a gentlemen...but no one is mad at the producers for maybe trying to poison them all.

Do you see the subliminal message in this? Get along or you will all die. (just kidding)

So, the answer to all these questions seems to be...buy yourself a bike like this.

Hey, I can't afford it either, but I'd definitely show it off in my driveway just to make my neighbor who has an old Harley that actually makes the windows rattle... jealous.

I don't know what the name of this bike is: but it's...different, and most importantly, I do not see any conspiracy theories in it at all.

And that, to my readers, is always a releif.

Now, I think the govenment has some man in a room somewhere, remote viewing, and sending me the vibes to go...shopping. (I need ink)

I'm outa here... see you tomorrow.

 

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It's Eleven Pass Nine...

Nobody Knows: Today at exactly 9:11 a.m, President Bush dedicated a memorial to all the people killed at the Pentagon this day, seven years ago. No doubt President Bush starting his speech at that ominous time was carefully planned. Millions of people across the nation were looking at their screens and going, “Gee---it’s eleven pass nine.”
 
Bill Clinton and Barack Obama are meeting for lunch at Bill’s offices in Harlem today…and nobody knows why they picked this date to meet, and what they want it to mean, but you can bet it’s something. All political movements and appearances are done for theatrics no matter which party you are seeing; it’s always been that way.
 
So that is why, no doubt Barack and McCain have chosen this very day to come out with the message…”We must all devote our lives to something bigger than ourselves.” As if 9/11 was the fault of the American people.

Give me a break.
 
When I hear this stuff, I think, “Here it comes…a dictatorship in the guise of “compassion.” And, what a better day to implement this marching order mantra than the day of our worst defeat…the day all Americans everywhere will at least at some time get teary-eyed.
 
Beware the word “compassion” when spoken out of any leader’s lips. Wait for it. He is going to ask you to ‘give’ your “time” and your “money” to the government. This means they are going to “take” not only your money, but your “time” now.
 
Frankly, I find it obnoxious. There are no other people on this earth who have been more compassionate for other people on this earth, than Americans. American lives, given to defend “freedom,” should be enough.
 
I’m wondering today just how the people who died on that horrible day seven years ago, would feel about the new “suggestive” orders from both our current presidential candidates for all Americans to “volunteer” their time to “helping” others after being so ruthlessly killed.
 
We are in the middle of an upcoming economic depression, where millions of Americans will need all the time that they have in order to keep their own lives afloat. Ask any rich person and they will tell you that time is money. And nobody knows just when we will be “forced” to “volunteer” our energies; not into helping our own families, but into helping those who they deem to be less fortunate than “us.” And that includes other countries.
 
All over our country, people are being picked out by their “need” to get free houses built for them by “volunteers.”
 
Yesterday, a Spanish man and his white wife and their two “special needs” children here in St. Louis, were given a brand new, rather expensive house. A whole crowd of onlookers were there to applaud for the cameras. Every day, in the Post-Dispatch, there are continuous articles about how wonderful it is that some poor soul from abroad has started a business here, with the help of our government. Most of our own citizens cannot even get a loan.
 
Alvin Toffler, (Author of Future Shock) that prodigious social engineering guru…told us long ago that the new “service” economy would produce citizens doing everything for “free”. Soon, there would be a world of slaves…I mean, “volunteers.”
 
So, if this world of “volunteers” does not get paid--- tell me. Who will be making the fortunes off of all these “volunteers” and how will the “volunteers” pay their bills?
 
Obama has told us he plans on sending “volunteers” overseas. Don’t worry---you’ll get a few handouts for your time.
 
But, think of this; it certainly cannot be argued by anyone that 9/11 was the kick-off of our continuous economic demise that continues to grow, with the unbelievable and seemingly daily gracious help of both parties. And judging by their actions, our politicians are doing everything they can to destroy America.
 
Their words don’t mean much anymore, but their actions do.
 
Nobody knows, and many wonder, if 9/11 had some help from ‘inside.’ The government, including our top leaders, made so many, MANY, mistakes that it almost seems beyond logic to just dismiss them as mere ignorant rich elitists, not paying attention.
 
 Bill Clinton, let bin Laden go…how many times?
 
Louis Freeh, x-FBI head, was on the board of Fannie and Freddie. In fact, most of our politicians hold board positions on major international companies.
 
President Bush wanted Dubai to guard our ports?
 
Nobody knows what the average American can do, but I suggest we use this day to ponder about how we plan to volunteer our time and money---and take action.
 
It's eleven pass the hour, we'd better get moving.
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Lipstick on a Pork

Nobody Cares:

"YOU CAN PUT LIPSTICK ON A PIG...

BUT IT'S STILL A PIG."

Thanks for that bit of wisdom Obama, now, have some stinky fish to go with that pork.

 

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Nobody's Perfect: Jamie Lee Curtis

Nobody's Perfect:

Jamie Lee Curtis...a woman I have always thought was not like the rest of the Hollywood crowd, despite the fact that she got her start in movies due to how well she could scream...showed today just why she writes children's books, now that she has decided she no longer wants to starve herself just to compete with much younger women who can do it so much more easily.

She said, and I quote:

"I couldn't hold my own for one minute in a debate on any issue with someone like Barack Obama or Joe Biden and neither can Sarah Palin."

As we can see by her book title, Jamie must have been feeling just a wee bit silly the day she burped out this idiotic statement.

But I for one, believe her. She could not debate Barack or Joe. She might even have trouble debating a five-year-old.

Anyway, despite her really silly comment, I still like her. The strip scene that she does in "True Lies" was so pricelessly funny, I have to cut her some slack.

I'm hoping to see her soon on, "Are YOU Smarter Than a Five-Year-Old?"

Because there, and only there will she find out that yes, she is smarter than a five-year-old. BUT...it might take a seven year old to convince her that neither Barack or Joe could actually win against one of those kids.

Life for Jamie has promise, if only because she's so likable.

As for Sarah? I suggest she take Jamie hunting---it's about time the woman learns how to use a REAL knife.

 

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Nobody Flashes: Baseball

Nobody Flashes: Let's talk baseball.

Ever since I went cold turkey after going to every single Cardinal game that was played for over four years...just because I had a big crush on Jack Clark, and not to mention the Cardinal's Baseball team during the 1980's was HOT...

Around this time of year, I get a bit nostalgic for the smell of old beer stains, the many trips to the girls bathroom to put on lipstick, and those wonderfully white, perfectly clean baseball uniforms...which gave me endless hours of speculation.

Some people speculate the universe, I used to fantasize just who did the team's laundry---some little old Chinese guy? Or did they get brand new uniforms for every game, and how much did THAT cost? Etc...etc.

Where else in America can you go and see so many men dressed so spotlessly?

For a woman who had to do laundry every day, (and hated it) it was truly a miracle to behold. Spotless, white, bright, clean, pants and shirts....not to mention the grace of a man catching a ball in his perfect uniform...

Or dropping it.

And since the first game of baseball was played on a field in Hoboken, New Jersey called Elysian Fields, which in Greek means "paradise,"... who was I to argue the call when the runners slid into home?

In the world of baseball, in his next game, that player's uniform would be perfectly white again.

How cool is that?

At home, my brand new white short-shorts would, after the first washing, become forever dingy gray. There's a connection with the effort of laundry and baseball, I just haven't figured it out yet.

But...in the game of golf...did you know that the game was played in ancient Rome, Holland, Flanders, and even China and Laos?

It was the SCOTS that added the hole, and men have been chasing and dreaming of that hole-in-one ever since.

Men are so easy to entertain. Give them a ball and they are gone.

My son's first words were "ball."

I've never really gotten over it.

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Nobody's Absurdities, No 61--Nobody Deals With More Than One

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 61
 
Today all I could think about was getting older, and how it’s not just the body aches, loss of memory, getting those constant letters from AARP, or the fact that I can just look at a pizza on TV and gain four pounds that gets under my skin---I can put up with all that stuff.
 
What I’m having a problem with is the fact that, when I was twenty, I didn’t know a whole lot about the world, nor did I care, and life was so less stressful. In fact, most of the time, it all made perfect sense.
 
Once you have children, absurdities come in almost on the hour…like Nolan Ryan fast balls. After the kids are grown and gone, they come every five minutes, give or take a few seconds.
 
So, here in random order are some crazy thoughts about all kinds of absurdities that just happen to come into my brain without any warning today.
 
Prepare yourself---as they say, “One man’s ceiling is another man’s ketchup bottle.”
 
Or as my brother said so eloquently this weekend to a woman whose kid squealed for over 30 minutes in a department store that he was trying to shop in; “Hey, I’m old…shut your kid up.” Actually, he didn’t say that---what he did say was: “Lady, what is it exactly about this situation that you don’t get?”
 
I would have taken the first approach. Getting old has its rewards.
 
********
Now that we have all gotten over the fact that, “Hey, there is actually a NORMAL politician alive on this planet!”… isn’t it totally absurd that millions of Americans who did not like John McCain’s upcoming plans to give amnesty to millions of Mexicans, go along with the global warming crowd, and put lots of liberal Democrats in his cabinet, and so were not going to vote for him, have now changed their minds in hope that Sarah will eventually become President after we become little Mexico?
 
Do you think the Mexicans will play hockey?
 
Will Sarah Palin actually be able to turn John McCain into the conservative that she is and save our country?

Nah
.
 
In fact, due to my no longer being ‘young’….and since I don’t trust our government, I think what they are doing is kind of--- mean. Like promising your kid a trip to the toy store if he will just come inside, and then once you get him in, you tell him it’s too late to go.
 
********
And it gets more absurd. The Republicans just get back their base, with the miracle of Sarah Palin, and what do they do? Does John McCain lie like Obama? Noooooo.....
 
 He goes on Meet the Press and talks about how he is going to bail out Fannie Mae, and redistribute everyone’s money and put lots of liberals in his cabinet, and says that eventually the American people will get that five-trillion dollar “bailout” back.
 
Boy, I can’t wait for my check, can you? That a boy, John…get those Hillary voters!
 
This means John could pick, if you go by his own words: Joe Lieberman as Secretary of Defense, Robert Kennedy overlooking a brand new Homeland Global Warming Department, and Hillary Clinton as Secretary of State.
 
Just for good measure, I wouldn’t doubt if he gives Maggie the Almighty Albright Homeland Security.
 
I can’t wait. If that happens, I’m not wearing glasses ever again.
 
********
 Oprah was in the National Enquirer last week because she has gained her weight back and according to the writer of the article she is thinking about not having her pictures airbrushed ever again. (?)…again…(?)
 
And she made this statement: “I made a decision not to use my show as a platform for any of the candidates.” after she had already launched Obama on her show into the National Platform. Now, she refuses to have Sarah Palin on her show, because Sarah is hurting her new crush, Obama.
 
That’s okay Oprah---keep building those free houses. In fact, don’t just give free cars to the people in your audience, give one to every American!
 
We need to know you care!

Then
ask us to vote for Obama--- It’s the American way!
 
 ********
And who cannot love this one: The Iranians want Obama to be elected so that Islam will conquer the United States.
 
Now, here’s what’s really absurd. There have been many well documented statements made by radical Muslims that because Obama’s name is a Muslim name, certain Muslims that want the United States destroyed want Obama elected.
 
Allah is working overtime.
 
I don’t know what’s more absurd…having a man named Obama Hussein running for President or the Muslims radicals thinking because his name is Obama he will turn the country to Islam.
 
I mean, come on…just because some radical Muslim billionaire helped get Obama into Harvard…really.
 
And why are we, as Americans, putting up with this? We should demand for him to change his name, to HONOR the American people and the office that he aspires to.
 
If his name was Adolf Hitler, would we put up with it? Would the Democrats?
 
After all, movie stars do it all the time. Legally, it’s very simple. If he really wanted to be popular, he could change it to Chris Columbus, Harry Truman, or George Washington.
 
He’s says he’s Christian…pick a Christian name and prove it.
 
What? Am I the only one with guts enough to say this? Is everyone afraid of acting like an American? (Sarah, you have inspired.)
 
********
And in the absurdities, a Nobody's Flash:
 
My neighbor’s daughter lives in Alaska, and the whole family just loves Sarah Palin. They told me today that their daughter has a nurse friend that was in the delivery room when Sarah had her last baby…the autistic child that someone (was it Michael Moore?) claims is really her teenager daughter’s.
 
Okay--- that’s it. Michael Moore needs to get pregnant. He could do a movie about his sex change. I would pay top dollar to see it. In fact, he should have Castro’s baby, in Castro’s great hospital.
 
You might be scared to know, I actually don’t think that’s too far-fetched.
 
 ********
 And on the American health front…did you know that they give rat poison to people who have blood clots? It’s true, according to my doctor. Warfarin is rat poison. He even laughed at this bit of wonderful information. It’s the only thing that thins the blood.
 
Is it me…or could somebody maybe have been working on developing a drug that wasn’t rat poison to give to people with blood clots? And did you know that more people die of blood clots every year than AIDS and breast cancer combined!
 
Okay, major killer--- give them rat poison---don’t talk about it. Shsssss-- not a concern.
 
And you think I’m crazy?
 
Do I smell a rat?
 
 ********
Here’s an absurdity that certainly deserves a bit of rat poison.
 
In all the tabloids they almost always have two movie diva’s wearing the same dress…and then they have a caption which says which one looks the best. It’s in every tabloid. Go ahead; pick one up if you don’t believe me. They act like these actresses just happen to wear the same dress, every time they step out of the house.
 
I say they PAY these actresses to do this stunt. My friends (wait---I have no friends) think I’m nuts.
 
Hand me my walker, I feel like beating a few dandelions.
 
*******
Okay, one more.
 
 Angelina Jolie just had twins. They have colic. She is not getting any sleep. It’s so horrible the way she is suffering she might have to break down and adopt another older child from North Korea to be their mother so she can get some sleep.
 
Wait--- she has four nannies, and a nurse and doctor in the next room 24/7… So why it is again that she is not sleeping?
 
By now I’m sure you want to know what keeps me from collapsing into a heap of melted fluoride from the absorption of so much daily absurdity.
 
Here it is: Angelina Jolie one day… will be sixty-one. So, when thinking about age, it’s nice to know, I’m not alone. I can grow old gracefully knowing that I will be able to witness Angelina’s future plastic surgery. Somehow that thought alone is comforting.
 
Now, where did I put that article on senility?
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Nobody Watches MTV and Dives

Nobody Knows: Sometimes you just have to let your brain go into stupid mode…and the best way to do that I found out, is to watch MTV Cribs.
 
Watching mega-multi-millionaires who can’t even speak English, or even balance a checkbook, but can open up a refrigerator and tell you his secret to fame and fortune is his stock of vitamin water, is my idea of letting your brain go into a much needed universe of “could be the end is near, so don’t sweat the small stuff” mode.
 
To me it's alot like Rem sleep---sometimes you just have to break down and watch the absurd idiots in life who, like Forest Gump, made it into heaven because they did something you did not because they weren't thinking.
 
They all have the same things. A big HD TV…a huge kitchen, and their “bedroom” where they all jump on their beds and make big eyes at the camera…
 
This one guy today even had a bed outside with a fireplace and he was stroking his imaginary girl’s hair.  The imaginary girl, according to him…loved him...all fifty-eight pounds.
 
Then they went to a “rockers” house, and that guy kept breaking dishes on the floor and telling his girlfriend to clean it up. He was my favorite...finally... a reasonable explaination for drug use.
 
I’m still trying to figure out why this show is so popular. I had a discussion about this today with my husband (who by the way, is still alive) and he suggested that the purpose of the show it to send out the message to our teenagers---do NOT go into science or math, or anything sensible like learning how to become a hedge-fund manager that uses other people’s money to get rich…BUT instead, learn how to rap, play basketball, or in this guy’s case, flip a bike that is much too small to support your weight into the air and land without breaking your neck.
 
What I wanna know is: if Christopher Reeve got thrown by a simple horse, how do these kids survive this stuff?
 
Nobody knows, but everyone wants to witness it when it happens.
 
There was a guy on the show today, who had made a small fortune by jumping his bike into the air, and all I could think of was: I sure hope he bought his mother a house because I just bet that woman worked her fanny off buying him a LOT of bikes while he was growing up. He did not mention his mother, because he was….”single.”

But
, he was building his own bike course behind his pool, and if I were him I’d jump that dirt-bike hill and land right in the pool. When you have so much money, and don’t have to worry about the future, why not go for it, I say? At least have enough sense to land in the water.
 
You know…you have to admire these guy’s lack of intelligence. If they actually knew or had thought out the consequences of jumping into the air up five stories, and maybe NOT coming down just exactly right… They might not even attempt it. In their cases, ignorance is not only bliss…it’s mandatory.
 
Nevertheless…I am watching their beautiful homes and being very envious because I would never in my wildest dreams jump a bike up five stories and twist it in the air, just for a few million dollars and five $100,000 cars, with leather interiors.
 
If I were rich, I’d be like Buffet. I’d still be in the same old house, spending my money on vacations to mysterious places. But I would get a pool…I might even jump into it with a bike… off the diving board…at least once.
 
Well, on second thought….forget the diving board.--- Where's that great song?
 
Money for nothing...chicks for free...
 
I want my, I want my...I want my MTV....!
 
I'd watch my MTV from the middle of my pool...now that's smart.
Tags: life  
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Nobody Flashes...Beer

Nobody Flashes: After Sarah Palin's nomination to become the first woman Vice President of the United States, (perhaps) many of the small towns in Alaska, had a great time partying in celebration, as we see here.

It also helped to know that because Sarah runs such a tight ship, this mess will either be cleaned up by tomorrow, or left in place in order to discourage the masses of Americans that will be moving to Alaska soon.

Nevertheless...one man said it was actually a herd of moose's...who just happened to run into a truck filled with beer, and were pretty excited about Sarah and her family being out of the state.

No, I'm kidding. This was taken in Germany...no doubt in response to the news that they can now work overtime and get.."rich." like the Americans.

Or maybe some of our soldiers just got lost on their way to Georgia...

Or maybe I'm really tired and should go to bed.

 

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The Great American Woman...She's BACK!

Nobody’s Opinion: The other day, I was sitting in my bank, waiting to see an agent, and across from me was a cocky looking kid of about 22 with his young girlfriend. Being my nosy self, I got to talking to them, and found out that the young man had been deployed to Iraq twice, as a medic.
“So, what do you think about it all?” I asked. Keeping my opinions to myself is not always easy, but I really wanted to find out.
 
 He told me he thought we got into Iraq for all the wrong reasons, but if we pulled out, it would be a disaster for the United States---a view that my own son agrees with. I was thinking that, despite what Obama tells us, not all our young men are crazy about leaving the job undone in Iraq, especially boys raise by true American women.
 
The kid had a big tattoo on his back, and get this…it looked like a grave, with a name and the years of the person’s life. I told him I liked it and he said, “Yeah, it has the year my grandmother was born and the year she died…you know I loved her…she saved my life…literally. I would be dead but for her.” And he proceeded to tell me about his wonderful grandmother, and how much she had done for him.
 
His grandmother must have been some kind of American woman.
 
I began thinking of my own mother, who would get up very early, fix breakfast, go to work as the owner of a middle-sized printing company, came home, cook dinner, spend time with us kids, and then got up every day and do it all over again. She put food on the table, put up with the union strikes, babysat 30 employees, and knew how to do every job in the place. She bid the jobs, balanced the books, sent out the mail, helped strip the negatives, bought the supplies, even worked on weekends in the bindery, and got the jobs out all by herself sometimes, working late into the night. The only thing she couldn’t do was lift the paper onto the presses. But she knew how to do it.
 
She also supported us in every way, paid for my father’s love of golf, and was always there for us. She never once thought about “women’s” rights. Before the “sexual” revolution and the “women’s rights” debacle, this woman could be found everywhere.
 
Remember that American woman?
 
Well, she appeared again tonight, in her first speech at the Republican convention, right out of a John Wayne True Grit Movie, and her name is Sarah Pilen.
 
You know, real American women are all around us, but we never see them on our TV. In fact, if you were an alien and just followed the news media outlets, you would swear that the only women that exist in America are girls wanting to have “sex” and a few egotistical “politicians.” For the last twenty years, all we have heard about is the “feminists,” who frankly, never did a damn thing but complain.
 
 And what was wrong with John McCain putting her on the ticket, because, frankly, much of John’s base has left him due to all his liberal leanings. Sarah is the quintessence of all that conservatives stand for.
 
 Smart move.
 
After twenty years of living with Queen Marxist Hillary, Sarah is the right choice at the right time. And when you compare the two…well, no wonder the left is attacking her so badly.
 
Hillary’s presence is like taking a bite out of a soppy, bland, tuna-salad sandwich. Sarah is a filet mignon, with a baked potato, salad, and chocolate moose for desert. Hillary is a paper plate. Sarah---pure iron.
 
Oh, she’s only been a governor they say. Well, so was President Bush---so was President Clinton.

She doesn’t have the experience to be Commander-in-Chief
, they say. Well historically speaking, neither Bill Clinton nor George Bush did such a great job at that, not really.
 
Can women be Commander-in-Chief? Well, history says yes. Queen Elizabeth had her defeat of the Spanish Armada, and you did NOT mess with Golda Meir.
 
So, what you ask yourself is: what do we really want in an American Vice President? The same thing we want in a President---guts, integrity, truth, common sense, and someone who lives by the stanch principles of our founders…ones that come from God. Someone who cannot be corrupted, and most importantly, puts America first.
 
Sarah’s speech showed that she will do just that.
 
You know, I thought Giuliani, gave a rammingly great speech tonight…and he said the right thing---that Sarah was the future.
 
I hope he’s right. I hope they let this woman shine---the rest of the truly great American women that have been smashed down time and time again by Hillary’s band of Marxist in-breeders, will then have the courage with Sarah leadership to stand up and hold their great conservative heads up proud again.
 
Can Sarah influence John McCain? I don’t know.
 
But you know, God has a habit of showing up at just the right time… Let’s hope, this is one of them.
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And STILL, Putin Does Nothing...

Nobody Cares: Outside the Republican Convention, many of the followers of Obama have gathered to protest John McCain's VP pick...and the fact that their mothers obviously did not have a very good start in life....

This man is taking a much needed break from the protests.

He is waiting for his chance to protest the Hurricanes being caused by God to punish the Republicans...and Michael Moore, who promised to hang out with him.

AND STILL...Putin does nothing.

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Nobody Knows: The BIG Hospital Secret

Nobody Knows: Last week my husband came down with a serious blood clot in his leg. He went into the hospital for one day, and then was released the next, with two huge bruises on his stomach from shots.
 
He was sent home within 24 hours, with a prescription blood thinners to get rid of the blood clots...and instructions to shoot himself in the stomach for 7 days. He has not left one mark.
 
Okay.
 
But then, the doctors office INSISTS that he get blood drawn today, a holiday. They faxed the information to the hospital they are in, and told us to show up. We MUST show up.
 
But of course, the whole hospital was closed. Not a soul anywhere, but a few nurses on the floors upstairs.
 
We argued with them. It would be closed we said...but no...they insisted.
 
Then, our pharmacy called today, we had just gotten home from the frustrating adventure to the empty hospital and our local pharmacy was called and said our prescription was ready. We went to pick it up (Walgreens) and it was...you guessed it...closed.
 
This is nothing new. I just want to tell everyone, who has not experienced this. Unlike your local malls, your McDonalds, your golf courses...etc...if you have the audacity to get sick on a weekend or a holiday, you're $%$^$. You will not starve, but you might bleed to death.
 
It wasn't always this way. And it's going to get worse. Maybe it's just our area...but somehow I doubt it.
 
There was a time in America, that when you were seriously sick, you would go into the hospital and not be released until you were out of harms way. No more. The lawyers have really done a good job on us.
 
The picture explains it all, our hospitals are not ready if there is a major attack. Even now... it's a train wreak if you need desperate help, and all you can do is...pray.
 
Okay. I'm done complaining.
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A Roll Call of Speeches...

Nobody’s Opinion: So, Happy Campers…here’s how a leftover hippie nobody sitting in the middle of a hot August month, Labor Day weekend, judged all the Democratic nonsense of last week. Forget all those professional dudes and dudettes making lots of money telling you just what went down, what you need a different outlook, on just what happened…because, nobody really knows what kind of stuff that actually goes on behind the scenes…all we can do is guess.
 
Who should be our next President? Let’s just judge the speeches….
 
First, we had the last chance at the dance, Hillary Clinton. Hillary was at her best, and she gave the most magnificent speech that she has ever, or will ever make. I don’t care if she runs again four years from now---she should just make the same speech. I frankly, don’t remember a word she said, but who cares? When we all heard the applause as she entered the stage, all her loyal fans thought…What in the world is wrong with Obama? Women were crying into their recycled cups…oh my God…he picked Joe Biden! How could he?
 
And then the second day came, and the infamous…“ROLL CALL” which everyone is claiming was not infamous…but don’t believe them. I just love it, when most of the nobodies in the world notice things so blatantly unfair and just down right amazing, and nobody else in the world says a thing.
 
That does it. The rest of the world is on drugs.
 
I was eating my popcorn and really getting into the roll call. There she was, Nancy Pelosi, right out of Vogue, calling off every state alphabetically, and giving every state a chance to announce their electoral votes! Just to see all the people there, who had taken the time from their busy lives and go to this convention and believe that their vote counts was pretty…well, it beats cleaning house.
 
I thought it was much more entertaining than watching the Simpsons. I saw at least four Homers in every state. That guy gets around.
 
When it came to keeping score…on the CNN screen, there was OBAMA in BIG, letters, and underneath him…a tiny little font called, “Hillary.”
 
That should have been the first clue.
 
And every state was about the same. They all gave Hillary, a few “token” votes. The rest went to Obama. Okay, we all knew Obama was going to win, but Hillary was getting slaughtered.
 
Then they came to California, over 400 votes and…I thought, “Hey, Hillary could catch up here.” But…they passed.
 
WHAT?
 
Then, Illinois passed. Then as the great state of New York was coming up…down she ran, as fast as she could…to stop the announcement. I’ve never seen her even run before!…and yes…Hillary stopped the whole nation from hearing, not only how many electoral votes the biggest states had cast and for WHOM, but the rest of the states were not even allowed to continue because Hillary and Nancy basically smiled and said…Okay...Obama wins!
 
Wow…Democracy at it’s finest.
 
In every other contest, the votes go to the end…but Hillary and Nancy stopped it cold. Somewhere in Texas, there were some very mad people who did not get to see their Homers on TV.
 
Then came Bill Clinton’s speech. Bill said ‘thank you’ about 2,597 times to the thunderous applause that proved he was the most popular Democrat in the world. Bill got even bigger applause than Hillary. He looked twenty years younger, and I don’t remember what he said either, but he outdid Hillary. And no matter how soppy he looked with that “I love you” look on his face while listening to her speak the night before, Bill Clinton will never let anyone ever outshine him, not even her…and that’s why he simply couldn’t be at that stadium with Obama.
 
Then came Obama’s speech. His speech, out of the three, was the very worst. (That’s my opinion) The ending of it was not exactly climatic. It was just…another one of his speeches. Most of them are the same nebulous stuff.
 
But the spectacle reminded me of another great speaker in history… who used to hypnotized great masses of people…I won’t mention his name. Madonna might get mad.
 
I do remember a few things Obama said. I think he wants to attack Russia, go into caves and “get” bin Laden, and basically start WWIII. Hopefully, all those people at the stadium will volunteer to fight. Oprah should donate her false eyelashes and raise money for guns.
 
And so, we all went on our merry way thinking, “Okay, McCain is toast.” until we heard a final speech. A short acceptance speech of a real American that will be remembered looooong after all the other speeches are gone…a speech by a young woman…who like Bill Clinton was before he was elected President, a governor…
 
And if you judge by the four speeches from last week who our next President should be… She’s not running for the office. But Sarah Pelin, in my humble opinion, was the only trustworthy American speaking, the rest of the bunch...well, what did they say again?
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