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Nobody Knew the Forest Was in the Trees

Posted by Joyanna Adams on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 11:21:27 PM
Nobody Knows: If there is one thing that never changes in life---its death, taxes, and the fact that Brittany Spears will live to be two hundred and seven, have twenty kids, and never know their real names…
 
No, just kidding…it’s that human beings don’t know much of anything and yet, millions of them seem to keep on insisting they do---unless it’s comes to the subject of Bear Stearns, and then nobody knows anything, especially the people that made millions on making up a rumor that there was a bear in the forest about to die.
 
So, filling in this week’s Nobody Knows was a very easy task, because as you know, when it comes to making money…bears are very stern. And speaking of bears….

Nobody Knows---Why did the leaders of the G-8 countries decide for their annual photo-op this year, they were all going to plant baby trees? If you saw the video, our President didn’t know which hole to put the dirt (which was on a very clean white sheet)--- in. While the German leader was busy as a bee, filling in her hole with dirt, poor George acted as if he just couldn’t decide what to do with his shovel.
Of course, the picture was meant to symbolize the decision by the leaders to cut global emissions in half by 2050.
 
I suggest they all stop talking now.
 
So, if this is the plan, than why do all the new neighborhoods going up across the United States lack trees? Why do they have backyards the size of postage stamps? Not only that, they are built so close together that you could just pass that cup of sugar out your window to your neighbor on the right without getting dressed. The message is: we don’t want you to have lawns, flowers, and trees, because then you would require more water.
 
But that’s not stopping the G-8 leaders of the world. It’s obvious they think trees will save the planet. They could be right---I’d rather the trees were ruling us all then that sorry lot.
 
Expect “tree” fees: coming to your neighborhood soon. Just wait.
 
Frankly, I liked it better when they just posed in front of their castles.

Nobody Knows---And speaking of global warming, nobody knows why great groups of homosexuals are so hot, that they are gathering and having group sex on the beach at Cape Cod. Who knew global warming was going to cause so much trouble?
 
Why bother writing “gay” children books when you can take little Johnny or Missy to the beach and let them watch Mother Nature in all it’s particular weird glory?
 
Most of the lewd acts are being committed by gays, but in order to take the ‘heat’ off the homosexuals, it is also reported that regular heterosexuals are having lots of fun too. Ted Kennedy would be proud.
 
I suggest a few wind mills to go along with the view. Obviously they need a good breeze.

Nobody Knows---While every media pundit in every media venue was discussing the price of gas over the holidays, almost no one mentions that it always goes up whenever there is a major holiday weekend. The gas goes up on Friday, and goes down on Monday morning. This does not really work with the excuse we keep hearing, that China is demanding more, thus we must pay more, because if that were true, that means that the rest of the world is celebrating our 4th of July!
 
Tell them to stop it.

Nobody Knows---So, if our high oil prices are due to the fact that OPEC is gouging us like all our politicians are saying…then why has our President agreed to give $8.7 billion dollars to sub-Saharan Africa over the next few years? Don’t they get enough? And who gave our President the power to go around the world and give billions upon billions of dollars every single year to hundreds of countries all over the planet? Pakistan got 7.1 billion to go after bin Ladin, but so far, nobody knows where the money went and nobody seems to care.

Nobody Knows---And speaking of caring, last week the rich moguls of the internet and the media were having a great time in Idaho. Bill Gates thought that the In-Bev idea of just buying up the board of directors of a company and kicking them all out, was such a great idea, that he plans to do the same thing with Yahoo. It was the first time Bill Gates had to copy someone else’s “takeover” tactics.
 
This brings me back to Bear Stearns. Jamie Dimon, J.P Morgan’s CEO, was bragging last week about his ability to bail out Bear Stearns. Of course, Morgan was just the port hole the government passed the 30 billions dollars through. You and I paid for that whole mess, but you would have thought Jamie was the savior of the world.
 
He admitted it was a hostile takeover. He was in the woods, there was a rumor…but he didn’t see a thing. Mr. Dimon was bravely tending to the forest when the trees just all…crashed.
 
So the moral here is, beware of puppy-faced men like Bill Gates and Jamie Dimon. No matter how much they sound and look like innocent boy scouts protecting the woods…in reality, they are the bear, the forest, the dirt, and the water…and I suggest you plant your trees now, before there’s another bare rumor. (Sorry, I can get carried away)
 
 In the forest, most of us are just bugs.
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Obama Lands in a Tailspin

Posted by Joyanna Adams on Tuesday, July 08, 2008 1:15:37 AM

Nobody's Perfect: Obama had some trouble with his plane today. It seems, the pilot was having trouble steering. Just a minor problem...caused by the fact that maybe someone had thought they should get off the plane right away because the evacuation slide blew itself up in the tail!

Okay, evacutation slides go off all the time in planes...(sure) So, why did Obama have to spend the whole day in St. Louis? AGAIN?

The real question is: Why did he leave in the first place? He was here on Saturday, making a speech in downtown St. Louis, for the African Methodist Episcopal Church. Unlike his upcoming convention speech in Colorado, where he plans to accept the nomination in front of a football stadium filled with 75,000 people, we have no idea how many people showed up to see Obama in St. Louis...

Not a word about it.

In fact, on Friday all the local news stations were trying to get the "non-black" people in St. Louis NOT to go downtown to the fireworks display..by suggesting all the lovely things happening outside the city...even though Obama has many "non-black" supporters here. What they didn't want to say is that it was a "black only" invitation.

I love it. Blacks can have thier own black church conventions. What if whites did that?

Whatever the reason, Obama was in St. Louis on Saturday. Sunday he was coming out of Chicago to go to North Carolina, (Is he paying his carbon-credits here?) and then had bag problems, and ended up spending the whole day back in St. Louis.

The good news is: Chertoff just happened to be in St. Louis at the same time. Obama landed at 10 am. and Chertoff left to see some floods scenes at 3.15. Took Chertoff long enough to look at our floods...just saying.

Many of us who know that NOBODY likes to stay over in St. Louis, and knowing that not too long ago, there was a plane accident here, where Mel Carnahan's plane went down and affected the whole Presidential elections, we are certainly glad--- that when we turned on our TV sets and there was Obama, telling North Carolina on the phone he would come sometime...

Now, we get to see politicians making phone conversations to other cities. I guess the local news was just too boring.

Whatever.

It's hard to get good plane evacuation slides these days, but Obama just can't think of everything now can he?

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