About Me

Name:Joyanna Adams
Email: joyanna5150@yahoo.com Biography
Loading...

Create Your Own Blog Find Other Townhall Blogs

Comments

Archives

Blog Search

Brave Custom Dogs

Nobody Flashes Anymore: After the recent information that our brave and valient airport custom agents are taking the dangerous job of making sure that all women's breasts are free and clear of all nipple rings...they have gone one step further.
 
From now on, even the customs dogs will have access to check for butt-rings.
 
Yes, it's not a pleasant job, as we all know. It has been known that a human can put many a dangerous thing in different human "cavaties." Some very explosive, in more ways than one.
 
So, to show the proper way to examine all passengers, these two brave custom agents here are showning all their fellow custom agents the proper way to go about this delicate operation.
 
All I can say is: God save the Queen, nipples, human cavaties, and our brave custom men, women, and dogs, who keep us all safe.
Tags: humor  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Reports On a Monday: America the Disposable

Nobody’s Opinion: It’s been a constant joke these past two weeks watching Obama Hussein and Hillary Rodham fight 24/7 over who gets to go to the prom: the black man, against the white woman, against the war veteran.
 
The arguments so petty, so annoying---I’d like to throw them all out in a disposable cup. One was falling off his lofty perch of unity, the other falling down into her pit of endless, bottomless lies, the third making the usual lame speeches. Most of us are turning on Saturday Night Live for a much needed redemption from a sad affair.
 
And yet, at the same time, in a cosmic event of superb timing… David McCullough’s fine biography of John Adams, being recreated on HBO, presents an almost unbearable comparison of just how great our founders were, and how really low we have sunk as a nation when what we see as contenders to the office of the Presidency could not even hold a position of busboy to our original great founders.
 
Not any of our contenders, Hillary, Obama, or McCain, compare to them in integrity, character, education, creativity, or just sheer common vision of what our nation should be. They have all fallen into the guise of socialism/communism/globalism and the furthering of big government: controlling not only our lives, but the rest of the world.
 
They are our founder’s worst nightmares….all three of them.
 
I can’t help it. It’s getting hard not to agree with the rest of the world that the United States has become a meddling dictator of “democracy” when in every speech, we hear whatever President that is in office at the time, say things like, “Well, “I” am pleased with Ethiopia, or this is what “I” want such and such a nation to do…”
 
As if all nations must adhere to the President of the United States.
 
Pounded into our heads daily is the mantra that if we just give enough money and build up the rest of the world, they will love us. If we spread “democracy” there will be no more wars.
 
So far---it hasn’t happened.
 
But what has happened is there are now Wal-Mart’s, KFCs, McDonalds, Marlboro Cigarettes, General Electric, and the US military in just about every country in the world.
 
What has happened is that our enemies are becoming richer and more powerful everyday; because of our leader’s continuous disgraceful shortsightedness.
 
By our goods we are told, we will conquer. That is their motto.
 
The American government, in hand with big international corporations, will build the world. Free trade is our savior.
 
 It’s a grand plan.
 
But while the CEOs of Coke, Wal-Mart, and Microsoft become richer with the spread of their products throughout the world, they leave the bill to “We-the-People”…who are now in debt to China for the rest of our great-great-grandchildren’s lives.
 
The American people must now slave to enrich other nations. Our own lives and our children’s lives are, it seems…disposable.
 
We are being downsized.
 
To make us feel better about all of this sacrifice, the politicians in return say that China will bring us cheap goods.
 
I don’t know about you, but I don’t think eighty dollars is exactly a cheap price for a good pair of tennis shoes. Sure---you can get a pair for twenty bucks at Wal-Mart, but they wear out in a year.
 
And that’s the point.
 
In the marketing world, everything must be disposable. Products are made to have a limited lifetime, much better for the bottom line.
 
It didn’t use to be like that.
 
We have an indisposable right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. There IS nothing more American.
 
Our founders, gave us an indisposable Constitution. It’s about time “We the People” start disposing of rulers that only are looking out for some global bottom line, which mostly includes them and their friends. Let them rot in the trash heap of history.
 
Nobody’s Perfect; Chelsea Clinton acted like a true royal heir to the Clinton Crown last week when she attacked a student for asking a question she didn’t like at a college. Why--she had been to over seventy colleges and no one had dared mention the subject of her father’s impeachment. Now, if Chelsea had been smart, she could have used this time to say, “That’s why my mother would make a better President than my father!” But, evidently, she’s not.

Nobody Knows
; The New National Baseball Stadium, built on orders from President Bush in Washington D.C., has built a special Presidential room right behind home plate for all our Presidents and politicians. So, when will we see these special Presidential rooms in all the parks?

Nobody Cares;
Angela Merkel of Germany says she is going to boycott the Olympics in Beijing due to China’s treatment of Tibet. The Dalia Lama and Angela evidently had good tea time. (I know, pretty bad.)

Nobody Wins:
I’m not sure I understand just how the government bailed out the banks this week, but you can just bet—somebody made billions on the deal.
 
 Nobody’s Fool: Everybody thinks Hillary and Bill are finished. What I cannot believe is that, after all we’ve seen of these two, how can anyone doubt that she will not be President? Bill and Hillary will glue themselves into the office on Air Force One if push comes to shove.
 
Frankly, I wish they would. Bill has said he thinks mummies are sexy. He might finally get together with the old girl if they are glued there long enough.
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

If Polar Bears Could Talk

Nobody Reports on Polar Bears:

Last night, the FBI recorded, via NSA satallite, an actual conversation between polar bears in Minnesota;

Lounging Bear: Hey, Jerry...what's going on down there?

Jerry: (Bear standing next to lounging bear, Bob) I don't know...looks like that guy is having a hard time lifting that shovel. You'd think they'd have more sense. It's all just going to melt in a few days. They practically kill themselves moving it all around. What's the point?

Bob: Yeah, people are a riot. Half the stuff they do makes no sense to me. Hey---did you see what they're doing down in the South Pole?

Jerry: No

Bob: Some of these guys got a HUGE lazer and cut a big wade of ice off the South Pole, just to scare everyone into thinking that the South Pole is losing ice, and the world is going to drown in water! (Bear laughter ) Actually, the South Pole has been gaining ice for years. You gotta hand it to them. They sure can cut a straight line. Hell, I have a hard time walking in one.

Hey Matt: (Bear behind Jerry and Bob) Get me a beer, will ya?

Matt: Get yourself a beer.

Bob: Come on Matt. I got you McDonald's yesterday.

Matt: And I'm suppose to be grateful? Hey, I was up all night watching the raccoons.

Jerry: So...do you think we are pushing it hanging around in this guy's driveway every day?

Bob: Naw, they think we are extinct. We can do just about anything we want. In fact, I've been thinking about investing in some stock.

Matt: What's that?

Bob: Well, I heard on this guy's TV that some company called Bears is being helped out...and I think we should get more help too. After all, these people have couches to sit on. We could use a few nice soft pillows, and stocks full of nice fresh fish. So, you invest in stock and you get stocks...I am getting pretty tired of hanging out at the North Pole chasing fish. Why shouldn't we get in on some of the action?

Matt: I don't see no action.

Jerry: You wouldn't---it's your mother's fault you're not my brother.

Matt; Why do you always pick on my mother?

Bob: Because he has the hots for your sister.

Jerry: By the way...where is your sister?

Matt: She's up North trying to get on TV with Al Gore.

Jerry: Ah...that idiot. She's is libel to get herself killed just for a photo-op. Well, I wish she was here. It's getting pretty boring watching these people shovel snow. Maybe we should move south.

Bob: Nah, the food is nasty. At least here I can watch TV. Well, what do you think...should we stay a little longer?

Jerry: Yeah, five squid that the old lady across the street falls down on the ice and breaks her hip again...

Bob: You're on.

Matt; You guys are sick. I'm going back to sleep. Hey, Jerry.

Jerry: Yeah

Matt: Sing me that "Coke" song again...

Jerry: Pay me.

 

Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Sometimes You Feel Like a Nut

Nobody Reports: Just in case anyone is wondering where I have been, I've just been lying around..

Well, I wish. If you were listening to any of the news last week, the rivers in Missouri sort of "overflowed" and many of us who were NOT in the middle of the flood, nevertheless, got hit with too much rain.

And some of us have leaky basements.

So, I've been too tired, after sucking up water from my "finished" basement, and trying to save furniture and rugs (etc) that I must admit, I had no opinions about anything except a few choice words for all insurance companies who will cover you if your computer gets stolen, but if your basement floods and destroys have of all your worldly goods, that does NOT come under flood insurance...nor storm.

Nope. Nothing short of a full-fleged tornado can get them to fork out. And they do not offer protection against "leaky" basements.

You see, these insurance companies know that leaky basements are just about as common as a Hillary "mispoken" word, therefore, there is no coverage for the millions that suffer from it.

BUT...this morning, while I lay in bed trying to decide whether it was worth even getting up, I managed to write a whole six pages of this blog right there in my mind! It was brilliant!

I just never got around to putting it down.

You know how it is. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you feel like a nut...

Hopefully, the next one I write in my head makes it out....soon.

Actually, it's already there, but I must go...the nut is cracking again.

Tags: humor  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Hillary and Pearl Harbor

Nobody Flashes Anymore!

Ever since Hillary has admitted that she was not actually under sniper fire in the Bosnia like she said she was...I wanted to put the record straight.

Here is a picture taken on the day Pearl Harbor was attacked, and I DO believe I see our great soon to be Commander-In-Chief Hillary Rod in Hand Clinton standing just there....

Look very close...

Isn't that her standing right there on the right of the picture? Could be her. I bet that's her. What a woman!

Well...why she doesn't bring up this steeler example of herself as the brave and war-experienced woman in the world, I just have no clue.

But I think I know.

Hillary could lie just about anything, but for everyone to find out just how old she really is would be just too much.

So, this brave moment in time will forever be secret...along with all the rest of her past.

Just a remainder that Hillary is sensitive and human, as she keeps telling us.

Don't worry Hillary, you're secret's safe with me.

 

Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Come Out of Your Racist Closet and Smell the Unity!

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Last week we had Obama coming out of the closet as a typical black man. I call him that in response to his “typical white person” remark about his grandma being scared of black men lurking in the dark.
 
Hey, I’m scared of any man lurking in the dark.
 
So much for his “uniting of all races and all Americans” speech.
 
Right---we “typical” white people are so full of discrimination and prejudice, you can find us on our neighborhood corners at night swinging ropes and singing “Dixie.”
 
The real truth is, most of the boomers are listening to their teenagers playing black rap on their car stereo’s and their I-Pods, and buying the line that all women are ‘Ho’s’, blacks have to sell drugs just to make a living, and their white parents are stupid.
 
Okay, a teenager thinking their parents are stupid is nothing new. And yet, half of the successful people on our TV’s are black, and quite rich, thank you America.
 
Turn on MTV Cribs and see the many millionaire black rappers who can’t even add. Now there’s real American discrimination in full display---take a good look.
 
Frankly, I’m glad Obama made his little “historical” speech, even if I do find it hard to believe that he didn’t know he would lose almost all white voters over the age of 25 and over the IQ of 80.
 
He cannot be that stupid.
 
Ann Coulter and Pat Buchanan this week made excellent rebuttals, and it’s about time.
 
The whites, at least here where I live, have watched their black neighbors get free educations, housing, food, and Medicaid, while they and their children’s ambitions were sacrificed to “Affirmative Action” programs.
 
Most of my black neighbors all drive new SUVs; have college degrees, and new expensive houses that the government will soon forgive them for… “going” in above their heads.
 
Like Obama, math was evidently not their strong point, in fact, thanks to our public school system.
 
And yet, most whites have not dared complain about it. Whole generations of whites have sacrificed their lives to make up for decades of the liberal policies of our Washington rulers not correcting the horrible inner city schools. After all, it wasn’t our fault the blacks kept voting for the liberals that kept them so educationally dysfunctional.
 
Needless to say, Obama’s speech got a lot of people very excited that the race issue was finally being discussed, my most favorite being James Carvel who compared Bill Richardson to Judas for his departure from the Clintons.
 
Overnight, dough-boy Bill Richardson has now become Chimichanga Richardson with his new Spanish look, in hopes of a Vice-Presidency.
 
The Clintons have been in too long he says. Well, can’t argue with that. If he can make Vice-President, then who knows? With the merging of the two countries, Mr. Richardson could easily run for Mexican President in the near future. After all, Jeb Bush is now at work on South American relations for his brother.
 
Will Jeb Bush be the first President of the New North American Territory? Eight years for Hillary, then eight years for Jeb?
 
But I ramble.
 
Expect more of this “all whites are raciest” stuff. It’s an election year.

Nobody’s Perfect;
Obama wins this weeks’ big mama blunder, or should I say big grand-mama blunder. White grandmother’s everywhere, unite!

Nobody Knows;
How did Tony Blair, after leaving the UK as Prime Minister, become an advisor of JP Morgan and end up, with the help of the US government, getting in on the action of buying up their rivals, Stern-Bears?
 
 Nobody Cares; Here in Missouri, we’ve had hundreds of people need help sandbagging and getting out of harms way from major flooding. If I remember correctly, when the blacks in Katrina were in dire need of help, millions of those ‘typical’ white Americans came to their rescue. And yet, no blacks came out to help the poor white people in distress, even though Pacific, Mo, has a black mayor. St. Louis, with a population of mostly black citizens, are only a fifteen-minute ride away from the scene.
 
 Nobody Wins: This “racial” issue is not going to let up. As I said before, two wrongs, (slavery, and now the discrimination against whites) do not make an African-American right.

Nobody’s Fool;
Norman Lear was on TV last week with his American Progressive speech. It was patriotic, it was moving, it was time to take over those nasty Neocons, he said. This Jewish man sounded so patriotic, I was hearing John Phillip Sousa. What he failed to mention is that the Progressive Party is historically the Communist Party.
 
Remember Archie Bunker and Edith singing?
 
“Girls were girls and men were men”
“Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again…”
“Didn’t have no welfare state”
“Everybody pulled his weight”
Gee---let's all just salivate....(Actually, I could never figure out what they were saying.)
"Those were the daaaaaaaays!"
 
Archie Bunker, your creator Mr. Lear has come out of the closet!
 
Oh, I forgot, you did too.
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Can A Poor Man Fit Through the Eye of a Needle?

Nobody’s Opinion:It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.”---Matthew xix.24.
 
It’s Good Friday, 2008, and not too far away from me people are scattering in trucks and cars with all their worldly possessions---trying to get away from yet another great Missouri flood.
 
More rain is expected.
 
 A reporter on the local news yesterday said that he watched an old grandmother crying, kneeling on the ground…trying to give mouth to mouth to her obviously dead dog who did not survive her daughter’s run through the flooded road, dragging behind her a trailer-full of now deceased pets. (Horses, cats, chickens)
 
It broke his heart.
 
So, where was Richard Branson? I mention Richard Branson because, as everyone knows, Richard Branson is very rich. He started out forming Virgin Records, and then started Virgin Airlines. He is now building Virgin Galactic, a space station in the New Mexican desert, along with Microsoft’s Paul Allen.
 
Obviously, Richard can’t get enough virgins.
 
 And last weekend he threw a party on one of his many beautiful islands to “Stop the fire.”
 
Is there a fire? Well, no matter. Best get started on all those new “green” products along with “carbon-credits” to guard it off.
 
At this “party” was Larry Page of Google, Jay Wales of Wikipedia, Tony Blair, (now advisor to JP Morgan) Paul Allen of Microsoft, and quite a few beautiful models in bikinis just for fun. Richard wanted them to be nude, but the Prime Minister was there, he said.
 
Go ahead Richard---blame Tony. Everyone else does.
 
Google will help put out the propangda that there is a fire. Whole pages of Wikipedia must now be made “green.”
 
Now---I’ll be the first one to admit, that even though I could be a wee bit envious of Richard Branson, I myself wish that I had done all those marvelous things.
 
Capitalism is a great thing---until the few really rich start getting together to form monopolies, buy elections, and take control of the market in order to rule everyone’s lives while using their concentrated power and collusion to form ever more power and wealth. And creating all these new “green” monster products is the next best thing to inventing carbon-based green bikinis made out of edible green coconuts.
 
I guess somebody has to do it.
 
Yes, Richard Branson, the man who doesn’t want to set the earth on ‘fire,’ is already producing ethanol big time here in the United States---the only other form of energy that spews more pollution into the air is a Bill Clinton speech.
 
 So much for his “concern.”
 
But, if you want to see real power--- if you had any doubts at all who controls the halls of Congress, all you had to do was tune into the House Committee on Oversight and Investigations on C-Span last weekend, where our Congressmen faced the CEOs of all the companies of the subprime mortgage boom. Sitting at the table like tanned PGA Buddha Gods, were Richard Parsons and Charles Prince III of Citigroup, Angelo R. Muzilo of Countrywide Financial, and other financial ‘wizards’ of global industries.
 
Every single one of these guys got huge multi-million dollar bonuses while their companies and stock holders lost homes, fortunes, and island vacations.
 
The Congressmen were in such awe of these titans of business, one of them even acknowledged how honored he was to be in the company of the “men who run our country.” He quickly realized his mistake and tried to spin out of it, but slipped on his own salivating tongue.
 
It was a pretty obsequious, sycophantic show.
 
There were a few democrats who questions their ridiculous salaries, but the Titians of the banks did the same old, “I did not know what was really going on until it was too late” routine, while they sat in their chairs and watched the Congressmen quiver. The grand plan here is plain; unify together, monopolized, control the world governments, control the media, create a big problem, and come in with the solution. The earth is on fire! Give us your money, and we will fix it. In the meantime, you can all drown, and your little dog too. The less of you the better. We are here to save the beautiful earth so we can have more beautiful island parties, and next time, we’ll have nudes.
 
 
Frankly, I really don’t think any of the rich men I’ve seen lately care if they go to heaven. They’re already in it.
 
So, while the rich are planning a green global crucifixion, the rest of us riding the camels are trying to fit through that tiny hole. I suggest taking all clothes off and using some good ol’ Mississippi mud for lubricant.
 
This Easter, I’m telling Jesus the poor might need a bigger needle.
 
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Call them "An American"

Nobody’s Opinion: It’s a good thing President Bush came out this morning and got the nation’s focus off Obama’s historical racial speech yesterday, because instead of “unifying” Americans, it did only one thing: ignite exasperation.
 
Obama’s speech started out with how insidious it was that the founding fathers did not get rid of slavery with The Declaration of Independence.
 
Well, gee.
 
Personally, with all the intelligence he has, I was rather surprised to hear him rubbing that old wound with fresh salt. After all, for the next six weeks, the wonderful HBO John Adams series will certainly show that our forefathers had all they could do to just fight the British, let alone slavery too at the same time.
 
There is a scene in the first HBO episode where, at the trial of the Boston Massacre, John Adams, who is hired to defend the British soldiers, brings out the point that the “mob” was shouting the word, “Fire!” along with throwing ice and oysters shells; taunting them into firing…which they did.
 
Haven’t we seen the same tactic being used by the Clintons and their subordinates? They finally got what they wanted.
 
The video of Obama’s bigoted and obnoxious family friend, Reverend Wright, forced Obama to play his racial black Jack. He had no choice but to defend his friend and the blacks on whose vote he depends, and in doing so, divided the nation once again into this pool of hypersensitive, hyperbole of “inequality.”
 
Obama’s weak arguments emphasized that he is not the unifier he proclaims to be, but just the man to lead the African-Americans out of the land of Egypt into the promised land.
 
I have another suggestion, and a story--- 
 
One day my kitchen sink stopped up--on a Friday. I called a local technician to come out.
 
“We can’t send anyone out if there is snow on the ground. We don’t let the men get up on the roof…it’s our policy.”
 
“What?”
 
I found their policy a bit absurd, since I assured the lady that, at my house the inch of snow we had gotten the night before was gone, and there was no snow on the roof.
 
Nope. She stuck to her story. Call back in two weeks.
 
This was not going to work. I got visions of fast food every night, gaining fifty pounds--- I would end up on Oprah. I was desperate. Selling my computer for new clothes was not an option.
 
So I called a competitor. It was up to the service man if he wanted to risk his life getting on a dangerous roof, I was told. Who knows what vicious icicles might attack him in the prime of his life? The company would not bear his medical expenses.
 
Within minutes I got a call. “How’s your roof look?”
 
“It’s a little wet, but hey, I’ll get up there with you if you’re scared and catch you if you fall.”
 
So, when the “African-American” guy showed up in his big company truck, I said to myself, “Thank god, a man who wants to work.” Only problem was, he didn’t have a latter.
 
(Important note; Obama uses the label, “African-Americans” as much as he possibly can.)
 
“We have one,” I said. “I just don’t know how to open it.”
 
So there we were, a young “African-American” man, and a very worried white woman trying to figure out what button to push to open up this huge steel latter…a latter so big, the last time I opened it myself, I fell over backward from the weight of it and barely missed an electrical wire.
 
Tell me there isn’t a God.
 
We were having a bit of a problem, and the African-American man, expressed concern about getting it open.
 
“What, are you kidding?” I said. “We’re Americans! We can do anything!”
 
Well….I wish I could tell you the look on that African-American face. He took a step back, his eyes got big. He got real quiet. He looked at me as if I had just told him I was from the planet ZEON and I was there to tell him he was my son. It was plain, that the man not only did not like being called an American, a country that had enslaved his distant ancestors, but that he and I had nothing whatsoever in common. The thought of the fact that he was an American, and I was an American, was almost a new concept to him… and therefore the problem.
 
Most of the people who call themselves African-Americans were born right here. They have never even seen Africa, nor likely will they.
 
It’s time they remember many lives were sacrificed to free the slaves, and two wrongs don’t make an African-American right.
 
The more they keep separating themselves from the rest of us with labeling themselves as different, the more the politicians will keep us all down.
 
It’s time these people look in the mirror each morning and say to themselves… ”I am an American. I can do anything!”
 
In fact, it wouldn’t hurt the rest of us either.
Tags: p  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Tibet Needs a George...Washington

Nobody Flashes Anymore!

Oh my God...yesterday, on a day usually reserved for the Irish and all their great green celebrations, the Dalai Lama announced something that was so rare for a "ruler" of a people, I practically had to check my internet cable company for possible repairs...

Could it be true? A leader of a country (the Lama in this case, of Tibet) is threatening to...resign?

Well, by the looks of him, since he is far away from all the trouble and heartache of his own people, living well and happy in New York, I really don't think resignation is going to affect him too much.

Not when you get nifty red golf hats to go along with your attire.

No disrespect to the Dali Lama, but in his religion, violence is a no-no. I'm sure that's why he left his country during the first horrible blood killing...it's really too much for a leader to have to bear. We have many of our own leaders that feel the same way...they are called lama-liberals.

In the Lama's world, people can go ahead and kill other people, and take away all rights and honor, and lands--- and one people can murder any other people, because I guess, it's just human nature.

"But's lets not fight children, or else I'll have to resign as your leader." That's his stance.

Well, that's good news. I say, let the kind man from Tibet go on and hold "God" in his body...and keep living as a wonderful, kind old guy for us all to wonder about.

Let some other noble person take up the cause of protecting innocent lives.

And maybe, if the Tibetian people get really lucky, the next Lama will be a reincarnation of George Washington.

They could use a break.
In the meantime, I suggest we all send the Dalai more hats!

 

Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Bans Depression!

Nobody Reports on a Monday: Well…is nothing scared anymore? Not according to Shawn Clancy of New York. He’s banning the singing of Danny Boy on St Patrick’s Day in his bar.
The guy’s an idiot.
 
I can think of a lot of things I myself would ban if I had a chance: those stupid plastic boxes on clothes in all your “finer” stores, Michael Jackson’s nose, solar lawn lights, half of my computer, most of my e-mail spam, potholes, unclean public restrooms, rats, the guy who’s singing Pirates songs in the bar because he didn’t go to mycreditreport.com, and Hillary’s Clinton's Cackle…
 
But to ban the singing of Danny Boy on St. Patrick’s day is like telling a woman about to give birth to---hey---just keep in inside, would ya?
 
Shawn was on TV telling the whole world he was doing it as a favor…Why we should all be happy, it’s a depressing song.
 
But then he let out the REAL reason he is banning it. It’s purely selfish. There is only so many times you can hear Danny Boy sung in your lifetime without going nuts, and Shawn has hit his nutty tolerance level. In fact, he probably hit when he was thirteen.
 
To be fair to him, I can understand his lack of, compassion. I myself, for many years worked at pubs on St. Patty’s day (as the entertainer) …and on that night alone, everyone knows someone who wants to get up and sing that song. And if you don’t let them sing it, you are damned to hell, and so is your mother---trust me.
 
These people live all year just to sing Danny Boy on St. Patrick ’s Day in front of their friends. And on St. Patty’s day, you don’t have to be Irish to start drinking at ten in the morning. By the time you get to eight in the evening, most everyone is primed for the big cry. And that’s what it is---a big group hug-cry, which ends up as a bonding moment of pure satisfaction to everyone in the bar.
 
And there’s the one note that everyone wants to hold out for as long as they can…because well, it’s a contest of who can hold that one note the longest…
 
 "AND I”LL BE HEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEEEEREEEEEREEEEEREEE In sunshine and in shadow…oh Danny Boy , Oh Danny Boy I love you SOOOOOOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" (whew! )
 
 I tell ya, there was many a night while I was playing the piano on St. Patty’s day, and there was always some guy who just had to come up and sing it again, (after the first eleven people), because his brother had missed his first rendition…because he was at another Irish Bar singing the same song.
 
Yes, I have to agree…if you are sober and the rest of the room is drunk, hearing Danny Boy butchered for seven hours straight would probably be a good way to torture Islamic Jihadists…then let the lads take them back to the bar and drown them in green beer.
 
But, let’s get serious here. It’s one of the most beautiful songs ever written. I don’t give a mud-soaked boot who wrote it. It’s about a mother, knowing her boy is going off to defend liberty and fight for his country, and in the song he comes back alive. Which of course is all any mother wants.
 
That song will be around long after old Shawn is well be dead and buried…. which reminds me of the second verse, which nobody EVER sings, but I think says it all…
 
 "  And when ye come, and all the flowers are dying
    If I am dead, and dead I well may be
    You’ll come and find, the place where I’ll be lying
    And Kneel and say an Ava there for me 
 
    And I shall hear the softly treat of autumn 
    And on my grave shall warmer sweeter be 
    For ye will kneeeeeeeeeel and tell me that you love me 
    And I shall sleep in peace to ye come to me."
 
 Go ahead; finish the song…Oh Danny Boy….the pipes the pipes are calling…
 
Toast the boys in Iraq and all their mothers---Shawn, go on vacation.
 
So--I suggest if you’re in New York, go to O’Neill’s AJ Café where he will be having 1000 renditions of Danny Boy. Take it from an old pro…Shawn Clancy likes the song Molly Malone, which is about the stupidest song I’ve ever heard…but okay if you like cockles and Mussels.
 
I will say no more.
 
Happy St. Patty’s day, everybody---and now to the news:
 
 
Nobody’s Perfect: Any man, like New York politician, Eliot Spitzer, who would pay $5,000 for a hooker for one hour, and then do it again, has serious math issues.

Nobody’s Knows;
Was Obama doing drugs when he was in church listening to Rev. Jeremiah Wright’s God damning America? Is that why he doesn’t remember?

Nobody Cares:
As much as the Democrats want to separate church and state, it seems all they do is campaign in churches. Still, the Republicans don’t seem to care.

Nobody Wins:
When California starts down the long path of controlling and outlawing home schooling, it’s an ominous forecast for the rest of us.

Nobody’s Fool:
Isn’t it interesting that just this week that “tape” of Obama’s priest came out…how long has he been doing this hate white/America show?
 
Well…all this racial hatred is giving me the urge to just be depressed. Pardon me while I go sing…(ahem)….. “Oh Danny Boy…the Pipes, the Pipes are calling….”

Nobody
has the right to ban depression…God bless the soldiers! Pass the beer!
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Suggests Presidential Test Run

Nobody Flashes: This afternoon, President George W. Bush, son of the former President Bush, son of...came out this afternoon and gave us all a pep talk about the economy.

Anyway--being as people are fainting not only at Obama speehes but at various gas stations all over the nation when they find out what they owe after filling up their gas tanks, he figured it was high time he explained to the American people that--- well, if we don't continue on the same path he has planned we are all doomed.

Bombs will be dropped on our heads. National security is at risk.

In fact, if we do not continue to pay huge gas prices, where- oh-where will the gas companies get the money to develop alternatives fuels?

As for jobs leaving the United States, well, he said that if the population wasn't so darn stupid, those jobs would have stayed here. His plan is to get more of the kids who did not pass high school, into those cheaper community colleges where they will have to re-learn fourth grade math, and how to write a sentence, and how to treat all minorities with respect.

Then the big companies will hire them.

All I can say is--too bad we can't post this little sign on the White House front door.

Maybe we should have a "test" run for all Presidents before they assume office.

Any ideas?

Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Novanglus, 2008

Nobody’s Flashes; In 1774, John Adams wrote a series of articles in the local Boston Gazette. He used a fake name, Novanglus (which means New England in Latin) in order to hide his identity.
 
Now, why should he do that? Because, if the British ministers who were running the government at the time knew who was talking against them, that person could be in fear of his well-being, to put it mildly.
 
But someone had to speak out, and John Adams did. He stated his purpose:
 
 “I have heretofore intimated my intention of pursuing the Tories through all their dark intrigues and wicked machinations, and to show the rise and progress of their schemes for enslaving this country.”
 
He then continued on in his many observations of exactly what he thought they were about to do to America. Then he said: and this is important---

“I will proceed no further without producing my evidence. Indeed, to a man who was acquainted with this junto, and had any opportunity to watch their motions, observe their language, and remark their countenances, for these last twelve years, no other evidence is necessary; it was plain to such persons what this junto were about.”
 
Well, that’s exactly how I feel, when writing about our current government and the top people who, completely against our forefathers intentions, grab the reigns of power with such velocity that they now can dictate where we live, what we eat, how much money they can take from us, and how we will hand our children over to the state, and how we’d better not complain about it when they take our freedoms away.
 
This junto makes the first junto look meek in comparison.
 
I seem to have caused a minor upset yesterday when I wrote and hinted at the Clintons being somehow involved in the Splitzer scandal. After all, the Clintons vast history of controlling every single aspect of the political process has been well documented for years now---by Newsmax, by the Drudge Report, by World Net Daily…by common people that worked for them.
 
By their very own words and books.
 
 
As John Adams would say…”no other evidence is necessary” for even hinting at the “intrigues and wicked machinations” of these two megalomaniacs who wish to take over the world and make it their own laboratory of experimental social engineering.
 
Now, it seems the last place for the lowly “citizens” voice, is the internet. Of course the internet is run by Al Gore and his Google buddies. And even though it’s a bit freer here in America, you can rant all you want on it, but they will get you, just like the Tories in John’s day, if you talk against their favorite Kings.
 
They can control what is read. And if you are conservative, you will be censored.
 
I don’t know how to solve this problem. But in my own time on this earth, I have watched America and it’s good patriotic citizens attacked on every level by it’s bloated Congress and ex-Presidents who seen to be at the mercy of whatever corporation or country can give them the most money.
 
We have had our own Presidents and Congress attack its own people. We have been called “vigilantes, addicted to oil, wasteful, and stupid.”
 
We have watched time and again our rulers break laws a common citizen would be jailed for, and go on to lead lucrative lives. You don’t have to be a genius like John Adams, to see what’s happening.
 
John Adams bravely stood up to the Tories, as did his cousin Sam, and because they were brave enough, (along with all the other brave founders) to help form a resistance to the British, America became the greatest country in history.
 
Thank God they did.
 
 “There are but two sorts of men in the world, freemen and slaves. The very definition of a freeman is one who is bound by no law to which he has not consented.” “When luxury, effeminacy, and venality are arrived at such a shocking pitch in England; when both electors and elected are become on mass of corruption; when the nation is oppressed to death with debts and taxes, owing to their own extravagance and want of wisdom, what would be your conditions under such an absolute subjection to parliament? You would not only be slaves, but the most abject sort of slaves, to the worst sort of masters! At least this is my opinion.”
 
So spoke Novanglus.
 
So, in my "Nobody’s Opinion", I am not sorry to have caused any kind of discomfort to Google, or the Clintons, or any person who intends to make America a part of some vast global dream of utopian socialist spam, dreamed up by self-made Kings. That is not what our ancestors fought for.
 
Free speech should be fought for with every opinionated breathe. And if we don’t speak up in masses against this blatant slaverocracy that is being pushed on us at an excruciating pace, our children will never know the light of what it’s like to be a free man, or woman.
 
Do we want to just go along with every single rule and law they decide is for our own good? Rationing our water, our food, our medical education, our children’s education, our housing, our businesses, and what we can watch on Televisions? Is that what we want?
 
Well, not me. I’m the seventh granddaughter of the original Henry Adams, my name is Novanglus. I may be a nobody--- but I’m mad as hell.
 
 
And my God---you should be too, that's MY opinion.
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Only Their Protstitutes Know for Sure

Nobody’s Opinion: It’s certainly a good thing we have the breaking news of another hypocritical, sex crazed, corrupting New York politician scandal on TV today.
 
By wisely resigning his governorship, New Yorker, Eliot Spitzer…well, let’s just say, instead of being prosecuted as he should be, will go on to work in a wonderful corporate job, where he will make more money than he ever dreamed of.
 
Dubai is waiting.
 
Besides, another day of Obama’s resounding victory over Hillary Clinton in yet another black state would just be too much for the old gal to bear---especially since she is claiming superiority over the black man named Obama.
 
Having control over what goes on the news is very important at this time. What---they can’t control the news? Will a pig eat cooked turkey?
 
While standing in line yesterday at my local K-Mart, I noticed that every single tabloid had some disgusting heading on Obama…he was a gay, he was a Muslim, he was found sucking blood from a dead baby in the middle of a Satanic ritual….
 
Well, the dead baby sucking I made up. But hey, the point here is---where were the Hillary scandal pieces?
 
(At this moment in my writing, I must inform the reader that I am purposely restraining myself on the many various comparisons I could use with the two words…Hillary and “suck.” But, don’t let that stop you.)
 
This story came at a most convenient time for the Clintons. Wolf Blizer was quick to compare the brave “stand by your man” moment from Hillary when she stood by Bill’s “it’s not sex if it’s oral” moment with Monica Lewinsky. And look how brave Mrs. Spitzer is; standing by her man.
 
She looked more like his mom, than his wife.
 
Please.
 
What else are women who marry into power and money going to do? If they say anything like, “He’s a scumbag and I’m divorcing him tomorrow.” the consequences might be graver for them then any of us know.
 
No, they too are accustomed to the power and wealth of their husbands, something they could not achieve on their own. Giving up trips to the Bahamas, maids, limo’s, daily trips to the spa’s, and in Hillary’s case, a chance at the Presidency, the White House, and a new Air Force One.
 
Nope.
 
Anyway, it’s not their humiliation.
 
But this morning, the actual truth came out of a prostitute who was on a talk show. She said that all these politicians feel they are above the law. She mentioned that a mayor of Louisiana had spent over six figures on her after three years, and that the estimation of $80,000 was probably very low for Mr. Spitzer. She also believes it is the taxpayers who pay for these expensive trysts of relaxation.
 
These men are from the “old boys club” and they usually protect each other’s back. As she pointed out, the prostitutes go to jail, the ‘Johns’ are never touched. Unless they are politicians who need to be gotten rid of.
 
So the real question here is; Who wanted Spitzer gone? Who did he offend? Who wanted the blind guy from Harlem, the place where Bill Clinton has his famous offices, as the new runner?
 
Who do you think?
 
Everyone sat for hours around their TV’s this morning waiting for the fallen governor to speak, only to watch him get into his big SUV in the middle of Manhattan, drive a few blocks and get out…to announce his resignation.
 
This took over two hours, enough time for him to have at least three more prostitute visits, lunch with his wife, and drinks with Bill Clinton.
 
Not that he did those things. (But then again, how do we know?)
 
No, it’s all about timing. Politicians are experts at being rude. Making everyone around them wait for hours for them to show up---hours that could be spent in much more productive ways (like working) is par for the course.
 
One thing this whole story makes you wonder is; just how many of our trusted politicians are making money in criminal activities for themselves, while at the same time, putting their competition out of business?
 
The prostitute said she had once asked her “John” mayor why the streets of New Orleans were always so full of pot-holes, and why didn’t they fix them? His answer---they needed that money to buy drugs.
 
So the question here is: Why is it our country is still so full of drugs and prostitution?
 
Only their prostitutes know for sure.
Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (0) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Govenment Green Stamps

Nobody Flashes: The boys on Wall Street are very excitied today, because once again the govenment has come to the rescue of the failing economy in order to find off that nasty thing called recession.

They have begun issuing billions upon billions, upon trillons of green stamps to all banks that got hit with all that outstanding debt...and also to all the people who just cannot pay off those big pesky house loans.

Green stamps were also found in the bedroom of the number nine governor, Eliot Spitzer, now known in local cirlces as George (the not so sly) Fox--- and his Emperor Club VIP vixen, proving that the value of these stamps is worth more than the American dollar!

Arnold is giving them out faster than his governor jet can handle them.

Once again, our great and noble govenment is at work for the American people!

....green stamps can be purchased at your local post office.

(Please, don't try this at home)

 

Tags: Politics  
Email ItEmail It | Print ItPrint It | CommentsComments (1) | TrackbacksTrackbacks (0) | Flag as offensiveFlag as Offensive

Nobody Reports on a Monday: The Dream Team is not a Dream

Nobody’s Reports on a Monday:
Boy, those Clintons are a tease, aren’t they? They had all the talk shows on Sunday hopelessly panting out exciting pictures of the “dream team.” The Clinton/Obama ticket. Old Bubba was out there getting all those old women all gooey eyed. George Stephanopoulos was so excited, he probably went off his meds for a whole day.
 
Bill Clinton made sure to explain why this dream team would work so well…why Hillary would get all the rural areas, and Obama could get all the urban! He said they would be an unstoppable force. In other words, Hillary could get the white women’s vote, and Obama could get all the black’s vote.
 
If you’re a white man, I feel sorry for you. You’re a dying breed.
 
But, don’t hold your breathe.
 
First off, the Clintons don’t need Obama on a “dream team” ticket to win. They would win the black votes by default against a Republican. Besides---Obama is weak on the Mexican vote, and Hillary needs that Mexican vote against McCain. Maybe that’s why Bill Richardson is growing that Che Guevara mustache look.
 
Does anyone doubt that Hillary will grab the super delegates? Does anyone doubt that a re-vote of “sent-in” ballots in banana-boat Florida, will have her win by a huge majority? Does anyone doubt that the Clintons planned this like a chess game all along?
 
Well, it seems Bill Bradley does.