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Mexicans In My Trees!

Nobody Wins: Yesterday, I had gathered my car keys, turned on my TV, (Does that fool anyone anymore?) and I was headed out the door when I glanced out my back door patio window, only to see… Mexicans in my trees.
 
Yep. Three Mexicans in my trees, and one walking around the ground. Not an everyday occurrence here in Missouri.
 
My first thought was, “they must have hopped the fence” because we have locks on our gates. The fence is over seven-feet high. Not an easy thing to do.
 
But as I watched a skinny little monkey race up to the top of my young oak tree, I thought to myself, “Wow---he’s good. Really good.” In fact, he must have been climbing trees in the jungles of Brazil before he was two. He looked about 35 years of age, and maybe weighed all of 105 pounds. He got up to the top of that tree quicker than it took my amazed brain to register any kind of intelligent action. An American man could not have done that…if only for the fact that most of them are too big.
 
Obviously they were hired to “cut” my trees away from the power lines. But gee…they could have at least knocked on my door. They don’t do that in America anymore. They don’t need your permission to cut your trees. They don’t need your permission to climb over your fence. They don’t need your permission to damage other plants in the yard…they work for AmerenUE.
 
Mexicans once again doing jobs Americans ‘won’t’ do.
 
Now, a woman’s house is her castle, and those trees, as far as I’m concerned are mine. When it comes to trees, (and birds, dogs, and young children) I have very strong feelings. Touch my trees---you might find yourself dealing with a mild version of Medusa on steroids. And if you butcher my trees (one was damaged so badly, I might have to cut it down) without asking me my permission, you will have a raging, crying, sobbing, emotional wreck on your hands for at least two to four hours.
 
At least with men in my family I’ve always had a say. I had no say in this. I have been conditioned to believe by letters from the electric company, and local news broadcasts---trees needed to be trimmed for the good of the community.
 
Too bad they let this wonderful concern for “the community” sit dormant for over twenty years.
 
Twenty-five years ago, the nice men from the electric company would come every year. They would ring your doorbell, if you were not home, they would come back. They not only would ask your permission to trim the trees, but they would tell you how long it would take. Then one year, they just stopped coming, due to “budget” concerns. Our beautiful forest of trees has grown very big---right along with the electric bills.
 
So there they were---Mexicans literally demolishing my trees, even lower limbs whose only threat was to my dogs. I was getting angry. I had gone out and tried to be nice to the men…even offered them some water. I asked them if they spoke English… “No.” they said. And yet, outside my fence, they all spoke it…broken, but they spoke it.
 
Why did they lie to me? Could the fact that I had a big American flag flying in my front yard have anything to do with it?
 
The whole thing was…not good. Utility men can come onto your property and do whatever they like. You will be ostracized if you protest. How long before “men” come inside your house to fix your “water” intake for the good of the “community”?
 
Okay, I really feel sorry for the Mexicans whose own country has let them down. The world is filled with incredible hardships. Nevertheless, our city just in the last decade has lost all its major jobs. There are plenty of local citizens who would have loved to get this work.
 
 And make no mistake---while illegal immigrants can do the job, an American man would talk to you, and would respect your property. Your trees would not end up looking like something out of “Nightmare on Elm Street.” It’s clear a lot of these Mexicans, although hard workers, could care less about us, our property, or our love for America. It’s not their country.
 
This whole issue is getting ugly. Today my trees---tomorrow…what?
 
 Nobody wins here---nobody.
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Nobody Cares About Silence

Nobody Cares: Wow...this doesn't happen often. I actually have nothing to say today....except Obama sounds just like President George Bush...he wants to use big carrots and big sticks to control Iran? (Does that count as nothing?) He's repeating all the stuff that President Bush has been saying all along. Oh...Iran is dangerous.
 
I guess he finally got the hint that they WANT to kill us. Gee...
 
So, the big carrots are what? The usual American Presidents giving dictators billions of dollars in payoffs?And what's the big stick? Is he going to take along his wife on his next trip to Iran? This stick and carrot talk is making me hungry.

And
today our President said that Wall Street just got drunk? What does that mean? Did Ted Kennedy take a wrong turn trying to find the Senate?
 
I say for the moment, we enjoy the finer things in life...like this cute baby panda, and the fact that someone somewhere has finally invented the perfect gift for dad.
 
A electonic, remote-controlled golf caddy. I mean, how cool is this? I bet this even has a bar, hidden bags of potato chips, extra golf balls and the stock market updates.
 
Like I said, I have nothing to say today....but tomorrow is another day!
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Savages Attack Savage!

Nobody’s Perfect: Michael Savage has done it again---flobbing another one of his infamous ginormous brain rants. The subject this time is autism; Michael’s opinion is that most of the kids that are misdiagnosed with autism are not autistic at all. Some have extremely high IQ’s. He’s absolutely, positively, overwhelming right of course. But----
 
Sometimes he inserts not only his foot into his mouth, but half his body. Michael in his best Archie Bunker way, said; “In 99 percent of the cases, it’s a brat who hasn’t been told to cut the act out.”
 
Don’t tell any parent their kid is a “brat.”
 
Once again, the lynching of a conservative is fair game. Just make one little mistake and your dead meat.
 
Savage, as all his listeners know, says just exactly what he thinks, and lots of times, it comes off as being cruel and crash. So what are we going to do? Sue him for being human?
 
To his fans Savage represents the working stiff. Michael wails brilliantly for the rest of us at the everyday insanity that we seem to have no control over. He relives our proverbial built-up, “I’m going to blow” pressure cooker. And by the way---talking for over three hours a night, trying to be entertaining, informative, and also creative is not exactly easy. Very few people in the world can do it.
 
Michael’s listeners know that he is just about as compassionate a man as you could find. Half the time he talks about his dog.
 
Come on. Every single person on this planet has said things that were meant another way, and taken as great offense. Most of the time it’s due to fatigue and stress, and those of us who listen to Savage regularly know that Michael has big guns coming after him right now. Even geniuses get tongue-tied.
 
But Savage is right. Too many of our kids are being drugged, by governmental brats, and it’s criminal. From Zoloft, to Prozac, to Ritalin---to the latest zombie concoction: they all produce the same result. They simply numb your cerebral cortex and you just stop thinking. And to put small children on this stuff, whose brains are still being formed, is nothing short of insidiously criminal.
 
We don’t know enough about the brain. I mean, how do you explain the incredible things that savants do?
 
 I once lived with an “autistic” child. He was seven-years old, and had a brilliant mind. He could beat me at any game. He was far ahead in his studies, a grade above his class. They dubbed him “autistic” because he was shy of people.
 
And to his mother’s great joy he was getting an excellent education, better than the other kids because “special education” teachers have to make sure the "special" child learns, or they are held accountable.
 
 Got that? Your child is autistic. He will get a better education than the rest of the kids. And the school system gets to hire more teachers, and then there are more dues collected…it’s a win/win situation for the NEA. More teachers, more “autistic” kids, more governmental money to be doled out, more taxes collected, and more control over future bobble-heads.
 
And she didn’t have to pay for the drugs, the school did. Once again--- pharmaceutical companies working hand in hand with our loving government to save the world!
 
Now, “Bobby’s” (fake name) mom was single, and stressed when she got home from work. And when “Bobby” was drugged, he was very quiet. When not drugged, his energy knew no bounds. He was funny, engaging, and most of all….gloriously all boy…in other words--exhausting.
 
And yet, sometimes when Bobby was watching TV you could call his name forever and he would ignore you. I never could figure out if he did it because he was slightly autistic, drugged, deep in concentration… Or, was it something else?
 
Thomas Edison (another ‘autistic’ child) once admitted that he used his deaf problem to his great advantage. When he didn’t want to listen, he’d stare straight ahead and pretend he didn’t hear the person talking to him.
 
It worked every time. hummm
 
So--Michael Savage is telling us that a lot of big brats are drugging our kids. God bless him.
 
 As bad as our schools are, maybe we should all claim that all American children are autistic, and demand the schools keep all drugs, especially federally-mandated prescriptions, out.
 
If the teachers can’t handle it, put them on Prozac.
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Al Gore's Big Fish Story

Nobody Knows: Next time you listen to Al Gore say that the planet as we know it is dying, and all the fish in the sea will be gone within our lifetime...

Remember these guys.

Especially the one on the right whose smile says it all...as if he is thinking, "Al Gore, get a life."

Global warming, I would say, has been very good to this...monster.
Gas money to favorite fishing hole--$300
New fishing poles--$500
Beer and sandwiches---$100 
Making your buddy hold the heavy end of the 1,000 pound catfish while you hold the tail, and then post the picture on the internet for the world to see---priceless.
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Nobody's Absurdities, No. 60-Talkin' Loud and Sayin' Nothin'

Greed---that seems to be the subject on everyone’s mind right now. After watching Secretary Paulson on every channel last weekend with his puppy-dog look of, “I’m sorry, but things are bad right now folks--- not our fault,” I was thinking about that old James Brown song…
 
    “You can’t tell me, how to run my life down. 
      And you can't tell me, how to keep my business sound
      And you can’t tell me, what I’m doing wrong 
      When you keep jivin’ and singing that--- same old funny song 
      Like a dull knife, Jack--- you just ain’t cuttin’ (do do do dod da do) 
      You just talking loud---and saying nothin’ 
                                                                                       Just sayin’ nothin’(do do do do) just sayin’ nothin”
 
Hit me! Ah….Oh!”
 
Sorry, I really love that song. And it’s so true. All our politicians are just talking loud, and saying absolutely nothing. The record is stuck. Most of us are ready to smack the needle hard. (Okay, some of you don’t remember record players.)
 
Let me refrain that. What we need is a real James Brown smackdown. “Hit me!" (do do do do do)

      “Clean up your bag…don’t worry bout mine.
         My bag’s together, and doing fine.”
 
James was right here. Most Americans go to work, manage somehow to pay their bills, raise their kids, go to church…and we don’t complain. They don’t really let us.
 
But if you or I ran into trouble---if we ripped people off like the recent scandals of Fannie Mae, or Freddie the Mac---we’d be in jail.
 
Talk about greed. We have no shortage of “greedy, greedy” men (and women) ruling this country right now. Machiavelli wouldn’t have made it out of Guantanamo.
 
Take Obama for instance. Does he have to go around the world at our expense at the moment…taking along half the state of Vermont?
 
 I remember recently reading that the first thing they teach you in journalism is to answer the questions: What? Where? How? When? and who done it?….(just kidding)
 
Far more importantly, the very first question should be in any story is: Where does the money go? (follow it.) Second question :Who is going to benefit from ‘whatever?’

Start
with greed. And there’s nothing wrong with greed itself, Adam Smith pointed that out long ago---it’s the crime of hurting others with your out-of-control cravings.
 
For instance: Who benefits from the news that Hillary Clinton owes $25 million dollars? She could have kept this news to herself, quite frankly, but she wants us to pay it.
 
And right on top of the greed absurdities list is the Pope. It was certainly cheery news that the Pope got such a big turnout for his World Youth Day in Australia. But is it not the very height of hypocrisy for the Pope to be lecturing young adults, most of whom probably don’t even have a bank account, that they should shed greed and spurn materialism? This from a man who lives in the biggest house in the world, filled with so much gold and rare treasures, paintings, books, and sculptures worth enough to probably feed the globe for an entire century if sold?
 
 So, why isn’t he preaching to world politicians instead of to young kids whose future already looks very bleak, monetarily speaking?
 
      “Like a dull knife jack, you just ain’t cuttin”
 
Greed is the reason why only a few miles from me, just recently, it was reported in our local paper, that radioactive uranium from the Manhattan Project was dumped right after the war. So, how long has it maybe been contaminating our groundwater? The citizens want it moved immediately, but the EPA says it’s just cheaper to put a cap on it. Meanwhile, my father died at 63 of a cancerous brain tumor. My best friend from high school, died at 43 of a brain tumor, even one of my dogs died at three of a cancerous brain tumor.

               “I’m a greedy man.”
(do do do do)
 
 The other day I was reading about how Prince Charles, was so “green” that he pays (i.e. the British working class pays) for a special fuel grown from very expensive grapes to run his Aston Martin.
 
And Al Gore graciously gives us just ten years, to put solar panels in all homes, and get off oil altogether. When asked how are we going to afford this? He admitted we needed over 5 trillion just to get started, but after the initial startup, the prices should go down.
 
Just like the gas prices there, Al? (do do do do )

      “Like a dull knife Jack, you just ain’t cutting… 
      You just talking loud, and sayin’ nothin’  just sayin’ nothin’…just sayin’ nothin’…”
 

"Somebody--- hit me. Ow!"
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Time and Stengel Look for a Third-Way Patriot

Nobody Wins: Do you get choked up when you see the American flag carried down the street on the 4th of July? Does the sight of a soldier carrying an Iraqi baby in his arms bring a knot of tremendous emotion to your chest? During the seventh-inning stretch at a baseball game, do you stand and sing with reverence for all who gave their lives to keep our country free---or do you sit and tally your scorecard?
Okay, baseball is an American game, so I’ll cut you some slack if you’re under twenty-one and just dropped your beer.
 
Did you get angry, like I did, when Obama said that he stopped wearing his American flag lapel pin because “he saw that people were wearing a lapel pin but not acting very patriotic?”
 
And just what does that mean? And this guy wants to be our President?
 
Why didn’t he question their patriotism, like any decent American, instead of taking his flag pin off? (No…I’m NOT going to get over this, it’s important.) Hey, if we deserve anything, we deserve a patriotic president; otherwise, we’re all bound to become walking zombies.
 
So why am I all in a huff about this?

Time Magazine’s
July issue was devoted to this very subject: patriotism. (I try not to buy this stuff, but sometimes I can’t help myself.) The name of the main article was, “The Real Meaning of Patriotism.”
 
As if Time would know.
 
Here’s the problem: According to Richard Stengel, who wrote this attempt at redefining the term, we have just got to get over ourselves and our flag. (He says he’s trying to bring us together here.) The Democrats have been screaming for years that the reason they protest so much is because they love their country. Well, if they love our country, then they should honor the flag.
 
Here’s Mr. Stengel’s first sentence---
              “Patriotism has always been the most abstract of American virtues---which may be why we fight so ferociously over the symbols that help us define it.”
 
Huh? Well, I don’t know about you, but we’ve only had the eagle and our American flag since the forming of the country. Where’s the fight?
 
Here’s the definition of a patriot: “A person who loves, supports, and defends his country and its interests.” Do you see any thing about this definition that is abstract? No, it’s as plain and simple as the concept of hunger. You either crave a hamburger for lunch or you don’t. You’re a patriot or your not.
 
Anyway, Mr. Stengel goes on, with his mandatory confusion---
             “What we need going forward is third-way patriotism.”
 
What? Is this the “third-way” of Bill Clinton? Is this the Alvin Toffler’s Future Shock ‘third-way’? Will we get yield signs with this new ‘third way’?
 
Mr. Stengal attacks conservatives for getting upset when the Mexicans don’t assimilate. Mexicans according to him, can be real patriots of America, while flying the flag of Mexico too---just like the Irish do once a year. What’s amazing is that there are a lot of people that fall for this argument.
 
First off, the Irish spoke English, and they are Americans. They know who founded our country, and they stand for our flag. They have “assimilated.” The Mexicans have not. Obama wants us all to learn Spanish…if that’s not proof that they want America to become Mexico I don’t know what is.
 
Here’s another kicker---
             “Patriotism isn’t about honoring and replicating the past; it’s about surpassing it.”
 
What? Sure, we all strive to improve America, but throwing the love of your country out is like killing yourself. It’s like saying, “Go ahead, attack us again, I don’t care.”
 
Mr. Stengel goes on; he loved McCain knocking Washington because---
            “He has acknowledged how defective American democracy often is, something Reagan, with his airbrushed patriotism rarely did.”
 
Airbrushed patriotism? (Go ahead---say a few bad words here.)
 
             “America, where most people hail from somewhere else, that kind of blood and soil patriotism makes no sense.”
 
Oh, right. Unlike the Japanese, Spanish, and the Russians, who never let others into their countries, any patriotism that we have, according to Mr. Stengal, “makes no sense.” We are not even allowed to be patriotic because we are a mixture of cultures.
 
Don’t tell me this guy has some kind of degree, Mr. Henry Adams. Let me guess…Harvard?
 
Okay, so Mr. Stengel thinks he writes clever propaganda. They have to break down America in order to bring in their new ‘third-way,’ which is just an old ‘third-way’ from another old country, far from our shores. And this unpatriotic country, with ‘airbrushed patriotism’ brought it down.
 
Mr. Stengel can’t seem to find a country, so I suggest he move to Japan so he taste the wonderful feeling of being a patriot. He can write an article on why the Japanese play American baseball…let’s give him another chance...it's the American 'way'.
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Opinions Needed--Shetty or Jolie?

Nobody Flashes Anymore!

With all the serious things going on in the world, it's nice to have to think about something that's not likely to kill you.

Here's the question:

If you had the choice of paying over $10 million dollars to charity to be the first person to photograph Angelina Jolie's newborn twins, or pay $25,000. to kiss this famous Indian movie star, Shilpa Shetty, proceeds going to fight diabetes...

Which one would you choose? (I'm asking men only here.)

Let's say you HAD the money for both. On the one hand, after getting into trouble for kissing Richard Gere, MS Shetty might be just getting warmed up. There is no mention of how looooooong the kiss could last. Diabetes is a worthy cause.

On the other hand---getting to take pictures of Angelina Jolie would get you, I'm sure, unlimited time to visit with Angelina, AND also to get her in some of the pictures without Brad, who would probably be out riding his motorcycle. Maybe the kids would fall asleep. Maybe she would invite you for lunch. Maybe you would suddenly forget your film, and have to come back for more shots...maybe she would let you film her pumping up her lips with collagen.

Men? Which would YOU do?

Go ahead---surprise me with some incredible and witty answers. (Try to keep to generalities)  I suggest a beer to warm you up.

 

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Nobody Knows Why I Think Obama Is Like A Disney Princess

Nobody Knows: The main topic this week was a rather “satirical” cartoon on the front of the New Yorker Magazine, and nobody anywhere seemed to be able to figure out just exactly what the editors of this magazine were trying to say.
 
Was it satire at its finest? Was it just an insider's insult to everyone who has never read the magazine? Or was there a real traitor among the staff who was still mad about Hillary losing the nomination?
 
All week long it gave all the radio talk show hosts and the main cable stations hours of fun and frolic---not to mention probably some nice bonuses to the editors for coming up with such a clever cover.
 
What it didn’t do was cause riots….darn. (just kidding!) Obama, it seems, tried to stir up some riots by saying that the cartoon was a real insult to Muslims, but nobody took the bait because there were other things on their minds like…the price of gas! Which brings us to---

Nobody Knows:
How did that price get so high? Everyone is pointing big sticky fingers at everyone else. How in the world did the United States find itself in such a huge energy crisis, when it seems everyone all knew what was coming for ages?
 
Every politician that can find a microphone proclaim its either the democrats fault for keeping us from drilling, or the republicans fault for wanting their oil buddies to make big profits, or the Saudi’s for not producing, or the American car manufacturers for making those big gas guzzlers…but in the end, it somehow always ends up on the American people’s lap.
 
Yes, admit it. You go out in the backyard at night and hoard gallons of gas in empty buckets under your porch! You use it to light bonfires in your backyard! You drive your car to Las Vegas EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND! This has GOT TO STOP! And then you have the audacity to use air-conditioning! You heard me! Stop that! You ninnyhammer! Turn off that AC---stop driving your car! Walk to work! President Bush even suggested you turn off your AC while you’re at work! Let your cat die!
 
 Don’t you realize that China needs the oil now?!
 
Well, that’s what they are telling us. When you run out of politicians to blame, you can always blame the American people. It’s the old wives beater trick. You know--- “I beat her because she was begging for it.”
 
Do you feel guilty yet? Well, if you do, then be rest assured that nobody in Congress does while they fly all over the country and the world in the finest luxury at your expense, which brings us to…

Nobody Knows:
Why Bernanke and President George Bush look so guilty every time they talk? Today, when Bernanke was asked just how in the world were Americans supposed to save when their wages leave them buying their flip-flops at the dollar store, (Meantime Michelle Obama pays $800 for a pair of earrings.) Bernanke’s answer was that Americans needed good educations to get the higher paying jobs.
 
What he didn’t tell you is that those higher paying jobs are in China, and you have to move. You’ll be retrained alright, but a guy from India will get that job with Microsoft that you might want, which also brings me to…

Nobody Knows:
Why do Microsoft’s and Yahoo’s business negotiations have to go before a Senate committee? Why does our government have to get into all business deals now? We need a new amendment to the Constitution that says “separation of state and corporations.” Right....

Nobody Knows
: That in St. Louis today a black man went in and shot his wife at the local mall. I only mention this because it was all over the national news. These shootings in St. Louis have been going on since the race 1969 race riots, but we hardly ever make the national new. There has been a lot of talk from "governors" wanting to send in National Guard units to the black communities, lately. The man did kill himself also, so I have no idea what the National Guard could have done---arrest the gun?

Nobody Knows
: And coming back to Obama: I know this is going to sound pretty silly, but I was just thinking. If you look at the Presidency from a marketing point of view…Obama will be President.
 
Why? Because he’s coffee-colored, like the rest of the world. I call this my Disney-Princess Theory. For the last decade Disney’s cartoon princesses have all been coffee-colored in order to sell the movies sell all over the world. Mulan-Jasmine— Nobody knows if maybe its just come down to that—America needs a President that the rest of the world can relate to.
 
Marketing our President…due to the color of his skin?
 
In that case, it’s a good thing nobody knows.
 
Also, nobody knows why I like this tee-shirt, because this rant had nothing to do with sex---but in some esoterical way, it just---fits.
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Yankee Stadium---What next?

Nobody Cares: The All=Star Baseball Game is coming upon us, and with it the end of Yankee Stadium. Well...you know the old saying..death comes in three. We had Tim Russett, Tony Snow, and now Yankee Stadium.
 
I have never been to Yankee Stadium, but if the NEW Yankee Stadium is anything like the new Busch Stadium, the common people will not have as many seats, ticket prices will go up, parking will go up, even beer will be more expensive...and there will gobs more big corporate rooms behind bullet-proof glass, for the rich and famous.
 
We pions in St. Louis said nothing about it here. But something tells me, if they short out the common Yankee fan who live or die by the team, the new Revolution will start in New York.
 
I'm ready boys. Call me up. In fact, call up the Babe.
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The Pancakes of Political Flippers--Arnold Schwarzenegger: King of Floppers

Nobody’s Perfect: “Great minds think alike.”
 
I don’t know who said that, but last weekend when I was listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger being interviewed by George Stephanopoulos (say that about five times real fast) there was a moment when Arnold spilled the beans. It was one of those “I can’t believe he actually admitted it on camera!” moments. You know---one of those, “Is he really that stupid?” confessions; like when a bank robber brags about his crime because he just has to tell somebody how clever he has been…which is pretty much what Arnold did.
 
He started bragging about how, during primaries, you run as something you’re not, then you move to the center to get more people, and then once in power, you can be a liberal or do just about anything you like. Right there on camera, he admitted his own scam.
 
We all witness this every day. It just took the arrogance of a movie star who’s seen his own humongous head a little way too many times on the big screen to admit it. Still…I wondered if anyone in the media would call him on it, since George didn’t.
 
Sure enough, the great mind of Glenn Beck took the subject and ran with it today. It was all about flip-flopping. You know, that pancake action taken by politicians when they run on a theme or agenda, just to get elected, then as soon as they get in power, they do a complete 180 turnaround? Sometimes they turn around so many times you wonder where their point of entrance actually was.
 
Flip-flopping is an art, and we have Olympians performing them daily on our newscast. And it’s my Nobody’s Opinion that the new “News Museum” across from the White House should be renamed, “The House of Flopping Political Pancakes.”
 
Flip em’ while their hot!
 
Arnold also told George that he thought flip-flopping was great. I’m not kidding---that’s the word he used. He said to George, “I vonce thought dis, now I think datend of story.” End of story? What story?
 
It’s like, he was saying “So, I van as a conservative vepublican, because I new dat if I ran as a liberal I vouldn’t get elected. And you dthought I vas going to kom in like the Ter-min-a-tooor, and you believed I vust have been a real conservative to stand up to Ded Kennedy, and let you dhink that I’m the big man in the house because I married a Kennedy out of love…but I am a die-hard socialist, and I kom from Germany (actually Austria, but he loves Germany now because they lead in solar power) and took steroids and became big movie star and then bought ‘alf of Cal-le-forn-nia, And I told jew how much I loved this country, (which I will flip-flop on when I am President) and now I vill become the most powerful man in de vorld someday, because I know how to run---to de left, da center, and da vright! And I also vill become the new energy guide, and I alone vill lead the vorld into the new global energy products, because first and foremost, I have stock in solar, wind, and hybrid cars, and I vill become even richer than Bill Gates…and I vill transform the face of the earth with brand new energy technology, (Arnold is getting better at English) even if I have to burn up half of California every year just to prove it. And after Cal-le-forn-nia, I vill go to the moon and set up solar communities, and then vie vill go to put clean water on Mars…”
 
Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here. First, Arnold has to become President, which as we all know by recent history, is a mere technicality.
 
 So why is Arnold begging for a position in Obama’s cabinet, and at the same time endorsing McCain? For the same reason that the Pope is endorsing global money…I mean warming. Here’s a clue that he knows its all bull. He wouldn’t admit to George that global warming was causing the fires in California.
 
If Arnold ever becomes President, our American ways as we know it will be terminated. We will all be little extra’s in Arnold’s environmental sci-fi real-life movie. I don’t know about you, but I think Sylvester Stallone was trying to tell us something in “Demolition Man” when he found out that Arnold would become President.
 
I’m now putting salt right under light-bulbs on my list of items to save.
 
Arnold: An over sized brain filled with the residue of steroids floating around looking for a way to expand. Someday, it’s going to explode. Arnold may be lovable flip-flopping pancake--- but he’s turned out to be a real pain in.... pan.
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The Gentleman Leaves the Stage

Nobody's Opinion:

Tony Snow--gone.

I'll hand you my tears, if you hand me yours.

In the end, he stood by a falling star, when nobody else would.

And that alone made him the greater man.

 

 

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Fannie Mae? Freddie Mac?

Nobody Flashes Anymore: Last night a young woman named Fannie Mae took a lawn chair, and got in line in front of her local AT&T store, so that she could be one of the first people in San Francisco to get the really cool, nifty new IPhone, put out all over the world on the same day, by that lovable genius, Steve Jobs. She had to wait a very long time...

Tonight, she is still there.

Good thing too. Not only did she miss finding out that the new IPhones didn't work, she also had the government come in and pay off all her outstanding debts.

Somebody offered to get her the phone in exchange for her rather large "smoke" but she didn't answer.

Okay, silly. But so is the bailout of two companies---obviously named by people who either were very stoned at the time, or drunk. Really--- Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac? Who thought up these names? Jesse Jackson?

Where's the limo?

Will the real Fannie and Freddie, please stand up?

 

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Nobody Responds to the Brain-Dead

Nobody Wins: Last week I picked up a book at my local library called, “Somebody’s Gotta Say It” by a radio talk show host named Neal Boortz.
 
I’d never heard of him.
 
After reading a bit, I thought he was an extremely likable very spunky conservative. He was fresh and full of straightforward opinions…my kind of guy…at least I held that view until I got to the 4th chapter. It was called, “BECAUSE SHE’S EARNED IT.” It was all about his opinions on Terri’s Schiavo’s feeding tube being removed.
 
His opinion---Terri was brain-dead. It was cruel to keep her alive.
 
Sorry Neal, if I could write a chapter in answer to your Terri Schiavo’s benevolent death wish, it would be called, “Somebody Has To Say It: Neil Boortz Sometimes Lacks A Brain Himself.”
 
That was nice of me…what I would really like to say is that he’s an idiot on the subject of ‘brain dead,’ but then again, so are many American doctors, who have been taught to use the word “brain-dead” just a little too often. In my opinion, Neal owes Terri’s parents an apology…let me tell you why.
 
Both my parents had massive strokes. I spent years taking care of them until they died. I also spent many endless hours reading about the brain, and hanging around hospitals. And if there was one thing that drove me completely mad, it was when expert “neurologists” kept telling me that (especially with my mother) she was brain dead. We should pull the feeding tube on her. I’m getting angry just thinking about it.
 
I remember my husband and me arguing with the three top neurologists at the hospital where my mother kept slipping in and out of consciousness. Later we found out one of the reasons for this was not the stroke, but the fact she had a collapsed lung. (They didn’t x-ray her lungs until four days later.) We kept telling them she was having a hard time breathing. But they just looked at her age…she was seventy-eight. It was her time to die.
 
One doctor said: “Well, she could live like that for another seventeen years…a vegetable. It’s your call but we think you should let her go.”
 
“We just talked to her! What’s your basis for determining this?”
 
“We held up one finger and she didn’t respond.”
 
“Was she in a comma at the time? Of course she didn’t respond! Where’s your common sense?” we said. “She’s talking to us!”
 
Oh, they said, “That’s just a “response.” (Remember, Terri’s smile was a ‘response’.)
 
If it were not for a better educated doctor from India, who went in and asked my mother questions, and then assured the other doctors, like we had been saying, my mother understood every word---her “feeding tube” would have been pulled at that moment.
 
Now, Neil admitted that he wanted Terri to die, because she was in some kind of hell. More of the fact is: Neil was in hell having to watch her suffer.
 
Neil also notes that according to her autopsy, her brain had actually liquefied. Ya’ think the fact that she had not been given food or water for what…three weeks had anything to do with her brain drying up into a prune there Neil? Neil is proof that brains can atrophy even with lots of water intake.
 
Unfortunately, Neil falls into the scary philosophy shared by too many people that any kind of suffering is just too hard for others to watch. Life shouldn’t be prolonged by technology. It’s cruel and inhumane. In fact this “argument” has, and is now, being used to sanctify all kinds of fascist governmental behavior, it’s nothing new.
 
Neil also said, “Finally, Terri Schiavo’s feeding tube was removed. Thirteen days later, she was at peace.” Evidently, according to Neil, she felt no thirst.
 
God--- what an idiot.
 
What started this? Evidently he had heard Rush Limbaugh once ask the liberals, “Why do you want Terri Schiavo to die?” As I remember it wasn’t just the liberals---but most of Congress, President Bush, his brother Jeb, and lots of Florida Judges.
 
Which brings me to the main point: When universal health care finally kicks in, millions of Americans, in a life or death situation, will not be given the latest technology, because some state mandated policy will decide it will be more humane to let them die, especially if they are old enough to drain the already bankrupt Medicare system. And unlike now, their families will have no say in the matter.
 
So, when Neil’s time finally comes, won’t he be shocked if he finds he might actually want to suffer and even live---- and yet it won’t be his call? Terri’s soul will be waiting to give him a good piece of her mind, and I hope she does.
 
Well, somebody had to say it.
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Muslim Torture: Plaid

Nobody Cares: If you want final proof why we cannot let rich Muslims infiltrate our country and take over our parking lots...then here it is: only a banana-head would buy a car like this, and think that having a car that looks like an old pair of Dan Ackroyd's pants, is something that will make him the envy of all his peers.

This is what happens when you hang around camels too long.

I don't care if this car has a gold-plated steering wheel, heated seats that message your tush, a $20,000 stereo system, I-Pod's latest stuff, and two missles that can be launched out the trunk...it's still fugly.

Which means, beyond ugly. If Brad Pitt had underwear on with this pattern...I wouldn't touch him, in fact---I'd insist he leave the room.

Only Rodney Dangerfield could have owned this car, and got any respect. Which is why you do not see the owner standing anywhere near it.

It's only redemption is it's not in red. ...it's not...right? Please...tell me it's not. No. No...stop...No more...I'll talk...whatever you want me to say!...Not the red! Nooooooooo! Not the plaid! Okay...Obama did it!

 

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Nobody Knew the Forest Was in the Trees

Nobody Knows: If there is one thing that never changes in life---its death, taxes, and the fact that Brittany Spears will live to be two hundred and seven, have twenty kids, and never know their real names…
 
No, just kidding…it’s that human beings don’t know much of anything and yet, millions of them seem to keep on insisting they do---unless it’s comes to the subject of Bear Stearns, and then nobody knows anything, especially the people that made millions on making up a rumor that there was a bear in the forest about to die.
 
So, filling in this week’s Nobody Knows was a very easy task, because as you know, when it comes to making money…bears are very stern. And speaking of bears….

Nobody Knows
---Why did the leaders of the G-8 countries decide for their annual photo-op this year, they were all going to plant baby trees? If you saw the video, our President didn’t know which hole to put the dirt (which was on a very clean white sheet)--- in. While the German leader was busy as a bee, filling in her hole with dirt, poor George acted as if he just couldn’t decide what to do with his shovel.
Of course, the picture was meant to symbolize the decision by the leaders to cut global emissions in half by 2050.
 
I suggest they all stop talking now.
 
So, if this is the plan, than why do all the new neighborhoods going up across the United States lack trees? Why do they have backyards the size of postage stamps? Not only that, they are built so close together that you could just pass that cup of sugar out your window to your neighbor on the right without getting dressed. The message is: we don’t want you to have lawns, flowers, and trees, because then you would require more water.
 
But that’s not stopping the G-8 leaders of the world. It’s obvious they think trees will save the planet. They could be right---I’d rather the trees were ruling us all then that sorry lot.
 
Expect “tree” fees: coming to your neighborhood soon. Just wait.
 
Frankly, I liked it better when they just posed in front of their castles.

Nobody Knows
---And speaking of global warming, nobody knows why great groups of homosexuals are so hot, that they are gathering and having group sex on the beach at Cape Cod. Who knew global warming was going to cause so much trouble?
 
Why bother writing “gay” children books when you can take little Johnny or Missy to the beach and let them watch Mother Nature in all it’s particular weird glory?
 
Most of the lewd acts are being committed by gays, but in order to take the ‘heat’ off the homosexuals, it is also reported that regular heterosexuals are having lots of fun too. Ted Kennedy would be proud.
 
I suggest a few wind mills to go along with the view. Obviously they need a good breeze.

Nobody Knows
---While every media pundit in every media venue was discussing the price of gas over the holidays, almost no one mentions that it always goes up whenever there is a major holiday weekend. The gas goes up on Friday, and goes down on Monday morning. This does not really work with the excuse we keep hearing, that China is demanding more, thus we must pay more, because if that were true, that means that the rest of the world is celebrating our 4th of July!
 
Tell them to stop it.

Nobody Knows
---So, if our high oil prices are due to the fact that OPEC is gouging us like all our politicians are saying…then why has our President agreed to give $8.7 billion dollars to sub-Saharan Africa over the next few years? Don’t they get enough? And who gave our President the power to go around the world and give billions upon billions of dollars every single year to hundreds of countries all over the planet? Pakistan got 7.1 billion to go after bin Ladin, but so far, nobody knows where the money went and nobody seems to care.

Nobody Knows
---And speaking of caring, last week the rich moguls of the internet and the media were having a great time in Idaho. Bill Gates thought that the In-Bev idea of just buying up the board of directors of a company and kicking them all out, was such a great idea, that he plans to do the same thing with Yahoo. It was the first time Bill Gates had to copy someone else’s “takeover” tactics.
 
This brings me back to Bear Stearns. Jamie Dimon, J.P Morgan’s CEO, was bragging last week about his ability to bail out Bear Stearns. Of course, Morgan was just the port hole the government passed the 30 billions dollars through. You